books — Discovering Jubilee

I have a secret addiction.

And I’m finally going to come clean and admit it to the world.

I am completely addicted to books. (And chocolate, too, but we’ll discuss that another day).

Books, you say? What’s so bad about having an addiction to books?

Well, being addicted to books is a great thing in my life, but it is also a huge stumbling block to me. I’m not reading romance novels, digging into occult material, or perusing porn. Nope, I’m reading parenting books, marriage books, homemaking books, and Christian living books. Sometimes four or five at a time. Each book passes on all kinds of information in new and interesting ways, I’m well aware of my personality type, the various parenting styles, do’s and don’ts in marriage according to everyone with a master’s degree in psychology, every possible routine for house cleaning and organization….

And how is this bad, other than obviously becoming a niche geek? It’s bad because books have become my drug, my source of answers for life’s issues rather than a deep desire to hear personally from Jesus.

This problem has developed over time, but is now serious. Whenever I struggle with a parenting situation, instead of falling on my knees and asking God for help, I run to my parenting books to look for wisdom. (After all, they can probably hear better from God than me, right?) When my husband and I get into a fight that seems hopeless, I hightail it to Barnes and Noble to get a coffee and see if any Christian author I respect has put out a new marriage book. When I can’t figure out how to get myself organized and make everything in my life look polished and in control, I bust out my personality books again and try to determine what weakness in being an INFJ melancholy-sanguine dominant intuitive enneagram #2 and 4 person is causing me to screw up this time.

Each time, I find a book that seems to have an answer. And, for a short while, I get a confident high…if I can just implement this new thing, I will get it all together. But then, in a matter of time, I crash again. Something isn’t working the way it should. And off I am to the bookstore or Amazon.com again, desperate to find that volume that will calm my nerves again and boost my confidence in being a wife, mother, and person who is contributing to society and the kingdom of God.

I need an intervention. I want to break free of this compulsion I have to run to humans for wisdom instead of the Almighty who knows intimately every detail about me.

I’m not saying in any way that books are bad…the ability to read and write are gifts from God. But when they replace in me a desire to go first to my Creator for wisdom and help, then they are an idol, and so are the humans behind them that I have mounted up on pedestals.

Somewhere deep within me I am afraid that God won’t or can’t help me. Maybe on a higher level, but really, will he provide the practical answers I need for daily life? Like, with a crazy personality like I have, what is the best way to maintain my home? Or, will he show me exactly how to discipline my child in this specific instance? Or, will he really help me get my daily priorities straight in such a way that I don’t leave anything important out?

Then again, have I really given God the chance to help me? Looks like I’ve basically written him off before I ever gave him the opportunity to show me what he could do. I’m so afraid that if I put away my “wise” books for a time and rely solely on his instruction that all my balls will drop, my house will become even more chaotic, and people will scoff at me.

People. So, this is what it all comes down to. People pleasing again.

I’m so acquainted with this phenomenon. Maybe I should write a book about it.

Seeking to fully live,

Before You Buy Another Parenting Book….

Anxious child at window

Kevin Lehman, The Baby Whisperer, Debi and Michael Pearl, the Supernanny, Ted Tripp, Ted Kimmel, Gary Ezzo….the list goes on and on…

You’d think with info from all of these sources my head would have overloaded an exploded by now.

It’s come close, though, especially lately. There are so many theories and methods out there for raising children….some are quack, but most of the books I’ve read all contain really good arguments for whatever side is being presented. So many of their points are argued from a biblical standpoint, and I can get really confused. For example, I’ll read one book that quotes Scripture in favor of spanking, and another that quotes Scripture opposing spanking, and I end up becoming a wishy washy parent, riding a pendulum swing back and forth between techniques simply because I don’t know which way is best and become paranoid about picking the best child rearing methodology.. These people have written books about parenting that line my bookshelves. I have read so many parenting books in the five years that I’ve been a parent that it’s a wonder my head hasn’t exploded yet.

Over the past 2 months, I’ve stumbled, quite by accident, over three parenting books from the 1800s that are real treasures. After reading them, I kicked myself for spending so much money on all of the parenting books I have over the years, and wondering how these little books could have been largely forgotten by the masses. So much of what is being written today by Christian parenting experts was already thought up over a 100 years ago. Apparently, our culture has gotten so far away from these ideas that they suddenly seem new and innovative today.

The first book is a little jewel I found called Raising Godly Children: The Duties of Parents by J. C. Ryle. It is available for free from many sources, or here in pdf form (Don’t be fooled and pay for this book on Amazon or elsewhere).

A second book that I think is wonderful is Hints on Child Training by H. Clay Trumball. It is also available for free (try Google books) which I didn’t realize until after I’d purchased it from Amazon.

Finally, Mother at Home by John S. C. Abbot is a must read. Again, if you like throwing away money, you can purchase it from a variety of sources, but it is available for free from Google Books.

Each of these books ring true to me, and in a succinct way encompass so much of what is being said in the various books that I’ve read that were written in the late 20th and early 21st centuries. Which says to me that we should be really careful to not disregard writing from the past, because the people that lived a hundred or more years ago, though not as technologically, medically, etc. etc. advanced as us, still have quite a bit of relevant things to say to our current situations.

I encourage you to take a look at these three wise volumes…..the language isn’t too tough to get past, and they are relatively quick reads, especially Ryle’s The Duties of Parents, which is really an elaborated upon list of training tips.

Any other “antiquated’ texts I should be checking out?

Seeking to fully live,