Experiencing God's Rest and Finding True Identity in Christ
A Super Simple Way to Have Your School Age Child Have a Quiet Time
Now that Xander’s reading has taken off, this idea will work great for him! Can’t wait to try it and see how Jesus speaks to him personally.
The Courage of Not Burying Hope in a Dresser Drawer
So sweetly written, and so sweetly true….
I just listened to a segment on NPR talking about the rapid increase in app development for people to monitor data about themselves. A new industry is emerging from this, and sites such as The Quantified Self. People are constantly evaluating stats about themselves, and trying to understand how that mass of information can make their lives better. This is just another example of the technology influx that is helping to steadily increase the pace of life in America.
Technology, longer working hours, massive amounts of media and information, and general discontent are driving Americans harder and faster to reach some nebulous goal. And while we are racing along in our pursuits, we are dragging our kids along, and developing our bad habits and discontent within each of them.
Stress has been studied quite a bit in adults, but has recently been researched more among children, to determine what is causing their stress, and how stress is affecting them long term. The results of these studies are serious, but shouldn’t necessarily be shocking. Either way, they should encourage us to stop, slow down, and think hard about how our busy lives are benefiting or hurting our children both short and long term.
Here are some specific examples:
Stress effects on children begins before they are born. Studies have shown that maternal stress on the fetus contributes to mental and motor delays in the toddler stage, and can also increase the chance for anxiety and chronic stress.
Bergman, K., Sarkar, P., O’Connor, T., Modi, N., & Glover, V. (2006). Prenatal stressful life events predict child cognitive outcomes. Journal of Early Human Development, 9(33), doi:10.1016.
Weinstock, M. (2008). The long term behavioral consequences of prenatal stress. Neuroscience and Behavioral Reviews, 32(6), 1073-1086.
Stress has been shown to negatively affect memory retrieval in children and increase the frequency of nightmares.
Quesada, A., Wiemers, U., Schoofs, D., & Wolf, O. (2012). Psychosocial stress exposure impairs memory retrieval in children. Psychoneuroendocrinology, 37, 125-136.
Schredl, M., Biemelt, J., Roos, K., Dunkel, T., & Harris, N. (2008). Nightmares and stress in children. Sleep and Hypnosis, 10(1), 19-25.
Chronic stress in children is correlated to obesity and consumption of fatty and sweet foods, and can also impact immunity
Michels, N., Sioen, I., Braet, C., Eiben, G., Hebestreit, A., Huybrechts, I., … De Henaux, S. (2012). Stress, emotional eating behavior and dietary patterns in children. Appetite, 59, 762-769.
Danese, A., Caspi, A., Williams, B., Ambler, A., Sugden, K., Mika, J. Werts, H., Freeman, J.,…Arseneault, L. (2011). Biological embedding of stress through inflammation processes in childhood. Molecular Psychiatry, 16(3), 244-246.
Stress can cause poor decision making in immature young brains, cause family and social interaction problems, and lead to lifelong self confidence and relationship struggles. Research has shown that 25%-33% of all psychiatric disorders stemmed from early life experiences.
Willemen, A., Koot, H., Ferdinand, R., Goossens, F., & Schuengel, C. (2008). Change in psychopathology in referred children: The role of life events and perceived stress. Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry, 49(11), 1175-1183.
Hodges, D. & Woon, F. (2011). Early life-stress and cognitive outcome. Psychopharmacology, 214, 121-130.
Finally, in cases of abuse, poverty, and high aggression households, stressors are even greater for children, and can affect things such as onset of menarche, brain cortisol levels (that are crucial for proper brain function), and their overall allostatic load (the accumulative effect of numerous stressors on the body over time.)
Blair, C., Raver, C., Granger, D., Mills-Koonce, R.,& Hibel, L. (2011). Allostasis and allostatic load in the context of poverty in early childhood. Development and Psychopathology, 23, 845-857.
Mendle, J., Natsuaki, M., Leve, L., Van Ryzin, M., & Ge, X. (2011). Associations between early life stress, child maltreatment, and pubertal development among girls in foster care. Journal of Research on Adolescence, 21(4), 871-880.
Towe‐Goodman, N. R., Stifter, C. A., Mills‐Koonce, W. R., & Granger, D. A. (2012). Interparental aggression and infant patterns of adrenocortical and behavioral stress responses. Developmental Psychobiology, 54(7), 685-699.
I encourage you to consider what activities or relationships in your life might be negatively affecting the stress levels in your children. Do you actively monitor the media and information content your children are exposed to? Do you pursue close, bonded relationships with them where they can process through injuries or hurts openly with you? Do you intentionally shield them from people or situations that could threaten their emotional and physical safety?
Two final tough questions. Are you striving to maintain a peaceful and healthy marriage for your kids’ sake, and not just yours? Are you working to slow down the breakneck speed of life, seeking quality and not quantity, and teaching your children contentment with what they have and in God?
I constantly have to evaluate these questions in my own life. It is so easy to maintain the status quo and float down the river in the same direction as every other American, but unfortunately, the Bible and data from the scientific world aren’t lying….if we don’t heed their warnings, we will have to bear the responsibility of many of the difficulties our children struggle with throughout their lives.
Seeking to fully live,
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“Older women…are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.”
(Titus 2:3-5 ESV)
These days we hear and read alot about the need for women to love and respect their husbands. We are encouraged by so many bloggers to be Titus 2 women, and when I read this verse in the past, I saw only the “loving your husband” and “working at home” parts.
But, the word “children” is included in this phrase. Why? Is it really necessary for older, wiser women to train us how to love our children? As I was thinking on this recently, it seemed like a redundancy….of course mothers (most) love their children. That’s what we do! I think back to the love I felt each time one of my little boys was laid in my arms following their births. I feel certain I would lay down my life for any of them if need be.
So, if loving our children seems like a “duh” thought, why the admonishment for us to learn how do it?
I started evaluating my daily life with my boys, my routines and tasks, goals, plans, etc. I discovered, at least for my own self, that it is very easy to slip into child training mode out of duty, of molding and directing our children so that we have the hope of heaven in them, and doing our best to shape their behavior to make life as smooth as possible.
I came to the realization…all of those can be down without love. We can discipline, teach the Bible, take our kids to numerous activities, and provide for their necessities without real love. And lets be honest, there are some days we aren’t sure if we like our kids…..when the screaming, bickering, and bad or irritating behaviors have pushed us over the edge and we feel like running away.
In the midst of our mothering, it is so easy to slip into the mode of constantly trying to change our children, and forgetting to cherish who they inherently are. (We are all really good at doing this to our husbands, so it’s rather natural for us to extrapolate it to our kids). Some days I get so focused on training a child to work off a rough edge that I forget to love the quality that God created in him underneath that rough edge that makes him who he is. I get so consumed with getting things done during the day and making sure my kids fulfill their responsibilities that I forget to just enjoy then, to accept them completely as they are, broken pieces and beautiful pieces and all that falls in between.
One thing that I hear repeatedly from older women is that we younger moms need to cherish and love the little years. This is a bit of an enigma to me, because right now I feel like it’s most about surviving the little years. Nevertheless, nothing has been more encouraging or helpful to me than spending time with moms of older or grown children, soaking in their wisdom. Just like every other area of the Christian life, motherhood was not meant to be done alone or simply with our peers….community of all ages is crucial.
As I challenge myself, I also challenge you…what can you do to work on really loving your children more? Do you need to engage in more relationships with wise, mature women who can offer godly advice and help? Or do you need to take even a baby step, and get out of the house with your kids, and make mom friends of any age who can help you see your children and parenting from a fresh perspective?
Seeking to fully live,
My littlest boy, Landon, just turned 2!. He makes Fridays, and everyday, very full…both of love and fun, and mischief, as indicated by the pen markings on his face! So blessed to have you, little man!
Full Fridays is a place to post about the joy and life your kids bring you, allowing others to join in with you. It’s the end of the week: set aside the chore list, the fix it list, and posts about deep topics. Write and share about the humorous and joy filled moments that remind you why it’s a blessing to be raising a family!
Linkytools is having a slight argument with my Paypal account, and this link will be back up and running soon. Feel free to include post links in the comments section.
I love learning about the Amish and Mennonite. Having lived in two states where they have large populations, I’m intrigued by their lifestyle, simplicity, and love for tradition. It’s easy in some ways to almost idealize them, even though like any group of people, they have their own issues and problems. But, on more than one occassion during storms where we lost power or needed to run to the store for last minute staples to get through a snowstorm, I’ve kind of wished we had the Amish life that wasn’t dependent on electricity and modern day conveniences.
One of my favorite shows on TV is Amish Out of Order, and although it focuses more on Amish leaving their communities, I’ve learned alot about the people in each episode. Besides this show, I love reading Amish fiction and enjoyed reading Growing Up Amish by Ira Wagler.
Tricia Goyer is a well known Christian author and has written her own set of Amish fiction books (I recommend!). She also shares a fascination for many of the wonderful qualities of Amish communities, and started a website for all of us who love the Amish and their ways, yet are Not Quite Amish. I urge you to check it out.
Also…big news…Tricia and her co-author Ocieanna Fleiss are releasing a brand new book in 2013, which you can already pre-order. If you know someone who loves their books, or love haven’t tried them yet, I urge you to give both a go. Check out the link below to read a preview.
Stay tuned for a giveaway of Tricia and Ocieanna’s new book, Love Finds You in Glacier Bay, coming soon!
Yesterday morning, as I was rushing to get dressed to get my 3 year old to preschool on time, I ran into my closet, grabbed a pair of jeans, and pulled them on.
I thought I was putting on my favorite pair of jeans, the ones that fit just right with room in all the right places, and was surprised to find that my jeans fit just a bit tighter. At first I was paranoid…maybe those stress relieving chocolate chip cookie ice cream sandwiches were catching up with me.
Then, I thought….wait, these jeans aren’t ones I wear everyday…could it be, that these are my skinny jeans that I haven’t been able to wear since getting pregnant with my third son almost three years ago?!
My husband was already working, so I ran into the boys room and hollered at them to try and read the size of my jeans as I folded down the back waistband.
1. Fortunately, my boys are little and have no inhibitions about fulfilling dumb requests like this focusing around the vicinity of my rear end.
2. I didn’t want to take the jeans off and check myself for fear that they might not actually come back on…maybe I was experiencing a very short case of The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants phenomenon.
Low and behold, we located the size, and in fact, the jeans were a size smaller than I’ve been wearing for two years. So, what happened next?
I busted into a 30 second dance party, which my boys happily joined in with!
Then, we frantically got loaded up into the car, racing off to preschool. But, that one little moment made the rest of the day better, and it was so fun to have my three little guys get as excited about Mommy fitting into skinny jeans as I did.
Do you have any happy kid moments to share? I’d love to read them!
Seeking to fully live,
Full Fridays is a place to post about the joy and life your kids bring you, allowing others to join in with you. It’s the end of the week: set aside the chore list, the fix it list, and posts about deep topics. Write and share about the humorous and joy filled moments that remind you why it’s a blessing to be raising a family!
My 3 year old, G, is reaching a point in his life where he is extremely outgoing, knows no strangers, and is developing the funniest vocabulary. He never ceases to surprise me with what comes out of his mouth.
Lately, he has been using big words like disappointed, interesting, and magenta. I have no clue how he knows what magenta means, but he got the color right when he pointed at it. I find it so funny to hear such big words coming out of such a little guy.
He also makes up his own words, which are great. Whenever my kids have runny noses, I always tell them that they have snots and we need to use a tissue. Somehow he morphed this term, and now he tells me he has cocodots and needs a tissue. Where did he get that?
Beyond his vocabulary, his choice of bedtime reading material is really funny. The other night he wanted to read a science book about space, which was reasonable. However, he then insisted on reading the 2013 promotional catalog for the Toyota Tundra trucks. He was very engaged throughout, pointing out the engines to me and noticing the different wheel options available. Oh, and he pointed out the magenta truck.
My little boys never cease to amuse me…..I think God knew that parenting would be tough so he made sure and added a measure of comic relief in each of these blessings!
Share your family joys and humorous moments with me by linking up with Full Fridays!
Seeking to fully live,
Full Fridays is a place to post about the joy and life your kids bring you, allowing others to join in with you. It’s the end of the week: set aside the chore list, the fix it list, and posts about deep topics. Write and share about the humorous and joy filled moments that remind you why it’s a blessing to be raising a family!
Linking up today with: The MOB Society
Much to my chagrin, I’ve determined that I’m one of those people that the advertising world targets. I’ve always prided myself in the fact that I never click on those flashing buttons saying “You’ve Won!” on websites, I don’t have to have every new electronic gadget that hits the store shelves, and ignore the content of most commercials. (At least, I thought I did).
Not long ago, as I perused the shelves of Barnes and Noble, I was forced to admit that certain things will draw me in and entice me to lay down the money. Here’s a couple dumb examples: 1. I’m attracted to anything that is hot pink, lime green or red, preferably coupled with brown or black. (For all of you authors out there, I’m more likely to pull your book at B&N if it is wrapped in a jacket flap with the said colors.)
I’m also attracted by homemaking gadgets that promise to make the job easier. The sad part is, they are usually a disappointment. Really, I don’t think even Electrolux can make me look as cute as Kelly Rippa, and have a streamlined organized life that she portrays on those washer and dryer commercials. Yet, seemingly, there is something in me that draws me to products when ads promise just that.
I avoid walking past New York & Company and a few other selected stores because they have a magnetic grip on me, and I inevitably come out with a purchase. Coffee shops have the same pull.
Why? Why can’t I just go to a store, buy what I NEED, and leave? Why do I always crave that thing I don’t have? I think the reasons differ for each person, but at the core of my issue is a childhood wound that says: “If you have this “thing”, you’re life will go smoother, you will look more put together, you will create an image, and you will be accepted.”
Our society just plays on our childhood wounds, don’t they? It’s rather sadistic in a passive, unintentional sort of way. Advertisers know which places in our hearts have holes, and they promote products in such a way that we think that maybe, just maybe, if we get that “thing”, we’ll be satisfied.
It never works, does it? We get the “thing”, and then realize it wasn’t enough. We need something else. If we make a different purchase, things will be better.
So how do we get out of this crazy cycle, where enough is never enough? Jesus is the only one that can fill your heart holes, my heart holes. We find contentment in a consumer driven society by finding contentment in Jesus. Easier said than done, as shown by the rich young ruler who walked away grieved when Jesus told him to give away all he had.
As someone pointed out to me the other day, heaven is going to be about relationship, not “stuff”. All that we acquire here on earth will amount to nothing but ashes when we reach Jesus, and only the connections we make with people and God here on earth are going to remain. These days it has almost become fashionable or trendy to “simplify”, but it’s a trend I’m wholly on board with. Let’s let go of the frantic running after things, and let Jesus heal our wounds once and for all, so that when we die we can glory in the relationships we will carry with us forever, and not mourn over the loss of the insignificant things we worked our whole lives for that will just die with us.
May all of our celebrations of Christmas this year be about people and the coming of the great heart-hole mender Jesus, not what presents show up under the tree.
Seeking to fully live,
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X is in kindergarten this year and we’ve been learning about the first peoples and civilizations. As part of this, I’ve told him about cave drawings, shown him paintings, and explained that people used to live in caves and use pictures to write about their lives. We learned that people did this thousands of years ago and were part of the earliest civilizations.
The other day, we visited a local park that is separated into two parts by a path that goes underneath a road overpass. As we walked under it for the first time, my boys were enthralled by the colorful nature of the walls in the overpass tunnel.
With enthusiasm, X exclaimed, “Mommy, were these cave drawings made by some of the first people God made?”
Needless to say, I was nearly falling on the ground laughing, and had no idea how to explain to him that he was just a few years off and this was not a great archeaological find.
How about you? Got a great family funny or moment to share? Link up with Full Friday! Just make sure and add a link back to Discovering Jubilee in your post!
Seeking to fully live,
Full Fridays is a place to post about the joy and life your kids bring you, allowing others to join in with you. It’s the end of the week: set aside the chore list, the fix it list, and posts about deep topics. Write and share about the humorous and joy filled moments that remind you why it’s a blessing to be raising a family!
It’s been a month since I’ve put up a blog post.
I really do have some good reasons, I swear!
The main reason was that I attempted a social media fast for Lent. (Notice I said, attempted.) Second, my 2 turning 3 year old attacked my computer keyboard for the upteenth time, basically laying it to rest with his last visit, tearing away 20 keys that I couldn’t get back on. It’s a real pain to try to type anything of significance when hoping that you’re fingers don’t slip off the tiny circles that reside under the plastic keys that pass pressure signals on to the CPU. Right now I’m making do on a cheapy keyboard accessory from Bed Bath and Beyond. Meh.
I digress. Back to Lent. I failed regarding social media. I managed to keep myself off Pinterest and Twitter with no problems, I only looked at a few blogs, but that stupid Facebook has its hooks in me. I dramatically reduced my time on it, but came no where near to eliminating it completely.
I’m really bothered by that. An addiction to Facebook says alot about me, much that I would rather just ignore.
You know how they say that people whose families tend to have alcoholic tendencies should just never drink? I think Facebook is the same for so many of us. In moderation, it can be a great, efficient way to stay connected with people. However, for those who are unaware of certain thought patterns they have or those who simply haven’t dealt with them and the lies from Satan they have believed, Facebook can feed into unhealthy tendencies by creating false realities and reducing relationships to a mere exchanging of surface level status updates.
Of course, this isn’t always the case, but I think it is certainy prevalent among FB users. Are those 300 friends I have really connected to me on a meaningful level? And really, is it possible to connect in any meaningful way with that many people?
Was my fast for Lent successful? Yes, and no. No, in that I obviously still engaged to some degree with the media. Yes, in that I realized how deep and unhealthy my current attachments to Facebook are. For me, Facebook allows a lazy way to have relationship….you just log people in and out when you desire. You can easily avoid or confront without consequences. For me, Facebook allows me to hang on to old ghosts in my mind….relationships from the past that I need to let go of, but for some reason can’t, and Facebook allows me the facade of believing that I am continuing those relationships.
I’m trying to decide currently what to do about Facebook….drop it completely, or just try to set really strict boundaries on my time there. And it concerns me when I get uncomfortable with the idea of just letting it go immediately. I’m sure Jesus has something to tell my heart about this.
How about you? How does social media affect your life? Is it an occasional interest, or are you FBing constantly and following the 2012 presidential campaign in real time on Twitter?
Seeking to fully live,
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