Marriage — Discovering Jubilee

Questions You Might Not Think to Ask Before Getting Married…

April 24, 2013 By JulieBastuk 2 Comments

My church is currently going through a series on Sex, Love, and Relationships. At first I was not all interested…I was rather bah humbug…seriously? another talk on this? I’ve read every book on the subject, and it seemed to be turning into one of those series, like the oh so popular ones on baptism and the book of Revelation, that make me just want to stay home on Sundays until the pastor has moved on to a new topic.

However, I showed up anyway, and have been pleasantly surprised with the talks, and I daresay I might have even gotten something out of the last couple of sermons. Sigh of relief. No having to dread church for the rest of the month.

Last week’s sermon was on the importance of preparing for marriage. Our pastor emphasized the point that good intentions and sincerity are not what will get a marriage through the tough times like being prepared for those hard times will. Obviously,it behooves couples to get to know each other as well as possible before marriage, and deal with their issues and childhood baggage. As I have reflected on my own marriage, I can certainly see ways that Mike and I could have prepared better, which would have saved us alot of heartache. However, as my mind always does, I moved toward sarcasm and humor and questions that there was no way we could have thought to ask.

If you’re not married yet, maybe you should ponder over these questions…it might save you from a few fights and surprises later on down the road. This might be a little slanted towards women rather than men. :)

1. What is your future spouse’s capacity for change? Like, 180 degree change? When I met Mike, I was a country girl, drove a huge pickup truck, and while I don’t like to describe myself as redneck, I was definitely not what one would call cultured or sophisticated. Mike, on the other hand, was a city boy, and preferred cars, specifically foreign made with leather interior.

Now, eight years into our marriage, it seems we have flip flopped. I’m driving a Camry, and Mike is driving a huge Tundra. He has suddenly taken an interest in guns, archery, and all thing camouflage. I, on the other hand, have tried hard to distance myself from my Gretchen Wilson-esque past as much as possible, and though I grew up on a ranch, I favor gun control and rebuff most of the country music released these days.

Mike’s change caught me completely by surprise….in less than a year, he went from a sports coat wearing, Mercedes driving, golf and fountain pen kind of guy to a Tundra driving, NRA card carrying, camouflage wearing archer. I never saw that one coming.

2. What is your future spouse’s understanding for the rule of toilet cleaning? When I was growing up, my momma taught me to squirt the toilet bowl cleaner into the toilet, scrub the toilet, and then leave it to sit for a while before the cleaner was flushed down. When Mike discovered that this was the way I cleaned the toilets our first year of marriage, he was horrified and declared that the toilet bowl cleaner must be flushed away immediately. I, of course, said, no, that’s not how my momma taught me. And yes, we got into a fight about this. I’m guessing there was some underlying root issue we were really arguing about, but at the time, that poor potty was definitely caught in the middle.

3. What is your future spouse’s pain threshold? This is an area that will really catch a lady by surprise. Men pride themselves on being tough, hard workers, who refuse to let women do certain jobs that they deem dangerous or requiring brute strength. They can work through injuries and pain to get the job done. However, if you head towards a man with a tiny pair of tweezers to get that one stray eyebrow hair that is bordering on two inches long, that same man will cower and run like a little girl. You should know this ahead of time, so that you won’t get irritated when he insists on waiting two weeks to get that hair trimmed when he goes to the barber.

4. What is your husband’s perceived level of involvement in interior decorating going to be? How attached is he to furniture he owned before you got married? This question is crucial. Seriously, we fought over this the first five years of marriage. I went into marriage expecting that I would be the queen decorator of the mansion, and Mike had other ideas. He and I have very definite style preferences, and it took us a while to find some common ground and things we both liked. Furthermore, as a bachelor, he owned some furniture pieces that I, well…I wouldn’t have been upset if they had caught on fire. You need to be prepared for some serious negotiating when it comes to moving your future hubby’s prized possessions out of the house. And, take my advice….if he really wants to keep that huge, dumb sofa that is so yesterday, just let him keep it and simply put a slipcover over it. Turns out, you will never find another couch as comfy as that one to take a nap on.

For all of those married ladies, I’d be very curious to hear about the funny things you wish you had known about your spouse before you married?

Seeking to fully live,

Filed Under: Christian Living, Homemaking, Marriage

The Importance of Moderating Your Children’s Stress Level

March 12, 2013 By JulieBastuk 1 Comment

I just listened to a segment on NPR talking about the rapid increase in app development for people to monitor data about themselves. A new industry is emerging from this, and sites such as The Quantified Self. People are constantly evaluating stats about themselves, and trying to understand how that mass of information can make their lives better. This is just another example of the technology influx that is helping to steadily increase the pace of life in America.

Technology, longer working hours, massive amounts of media and information, and general discontent are driving Americans harder and faster to reach some nebulous goal. And while we are racing along in our pursuits, we are dragging our kids along, and developing our bad habits and discontent within each of them.

Stress has been studied quite a bit in adults, but has recently been researched more among children, to determine what is causing their stress, and how stress is affecting them long term. The results of these studies are serious, but shouldn’t necessarily be shocking. Either way, they should encourage us to stop, slow down, and think hard about how our busy lives are benefiting or hurting our children both short and long term.

Here are some specific examples:
Stress effects on children begins before they are born. Studies have shown that maternal stress on the fetus contributes to mental and motor delays in the toddler stage, and can also increase the chance for anxiety and chronic stress.
Bergman, K., Sarkar, P., O’Connor, T., Modi, N., & Glover, V. (2006). Prenatal stressful life events predict child cognitive outcomes. Journal of Early Human Development, 9(33), doi:10.1016.
Weinstock, M. (2008). The long term behavioral consequences of prenatal stress. Neuroscience and Behavioral Reviews, 32(6), 1073-1086.

Stress has been shown to negatively affect memory retrieval in children and increase the frequency of nightmares.
Quesada, A., Wiemers, U., Schoofs, D., & Wolf, O. (2012). Psychosocial stress exposure impairs memory retrieval in children. Psychoneuroendocrinology, 37, 125-136.
Schredl, M., Biemelt, J., Roos, K., Dunkel, T., & Harris, N. (2008). Nightmares and stress in children. Sleep and Hypnosis, 10(1), 19-25.

Chronic stress in children is correlated to obesity and consumption of fatty and sweet foods, and can also impact immunity
Michels, N., Sioen, I., Braet, C., Eiben, G., Hebestreit, A., Huybrechts, I., … De Henaux, S. (2012). Stress, emotional eating behavior and dietary patterns in children. Appetite, 59, 762-769.
Danese, A., Caspi, A., Williams, B., Ambler, A., Sugden, K., Mika, J. Werts, H., Freeman, J.,…Arseneault, L. (2011). Biological embedding of stress through inflammation processes in childhood. Molecular Psychiatry, 16(3), 244-246.

Stress can cause poor decision making in immature young brains, cause family and social interaction problems, and lead to lifelong self confidence and relationship struggles. Research has shown that 25%-33% of all psychiatric disorders stemmed from early life experiences.

Willemen, A., Koot, H., Ferdinand, R., Goossens, F., & Schuengel, C. (2008). Change in psychopathology in referred children: The role of life events and perceived stress. Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry, 49(11), 1175-1183.
Hodges, D. & Woon, F. (2011). Early life-stress and cognitive outcome. Psychopharmacology, 214, 121-130.

Finally, in cases of abuse, poverty, and high aggression households, stressors are even greater for children, and can affect things such as onset of menarche, brain cortisol levels (that are crucial for proper brain function), and their overall allostatic load (the accumulative effect of numerous stressors on the body over time.)
Blair, C., Raver, C., Granger, D., Mills-Koonce, R.,& Hibel, L. (2011). Allostasis and allostatic load in the context of poverty in early childhood. Development and Psychopathology, 23, 845-857.
Mendle, J., Natsuaki, M., Leve, L., Van Ryzin, M., & Ge, X. (2011). Associations between early life stress, child maltreatment, and pubertal development among girls in foster care. Journal of Research on Adolescence, 21(4), 871-880.
Towe‐Goodman, N. R., Stifter, C. A., Mills‐Koonce, W. R., & Granger, D. A. (2012). Interparental aggression and infant patterns of adrenocortical and behavioral stress responses. Developmental Psychobiology, 54(7), 685-699.

I encourage you to consider what activities or relationships in your life might be negatively affecting the stress levels in your children. Do you actively monitor the media and information content your children are exposed to? Do you pursue close, bonded relationships with them where they can process through injuries or hurts openly with you? Do you intentionally shield them from people or situations that could threaten their emotional and physical safety?

Two final tough questions. Are you striving to maintain a peaceful and healthy marriage for your kids’ sake, and not just yours? Are you working to slow down the breakneck speed of life, seeking quality and not quantity, and teaching your children contentment with what they have and in God?

I constantly have to evaluate these questions in my own life. It is so easy to maintain the status quo and float down the river in the same direction as every other American, but unfortunately, the Bible and data from the scientific world aren’t lying….if we don’t heed their warnings, we will have to bear the responsibility of many of the difficulties our children struggle with throughout their lives.

Seeking to fully live,

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Filed Under: Christian Living, Depression/Anxiety, Healthy Living, Homemaking, Kids Stuff, Marriage, Parenting, Uncategorized

Impossible Situations

March 8, 2013 By JulieBastuk 1 Comment

Mike and I were so excited to move to New York at the end of 2011. Our dream goal was to move to Vermont, but since the only industry in Vermont are things like Ben and Jerry’s, Cabot Cheese, and Lake Champlain Chocolate, we knew that finding a job for Mr. Diesel Engine Guru was going to be tough there.

Driving home from our yearly summer Vermont trip in earlier in 2011, we brainstormed for hours on how we might maneuver a move closer to New England. And on a crazy whim Mike thought of a contact to touch base with that led to his current job out here. Everything fell into place in an unbelievable way for our transition. We even sold our house without having to do a corporate buy-out, which had not happened in our previous two house sales. Wow, we finally had some equity….it was like $3000, but who cared…it was real equity! Granted, to get ready to sell the house we had to remove wall paper from cathedral high ceilings to make the entry way room more neutral, which was awful. Note to everyone…never wallpaper in any sort of way cathedral high ceilings and over staircases. Just saying.

To top it off, Mike and I ACTUALLY agreed on which house to buy! There were no arguments about it or what offer we should put on the house. Jaw dropping! So, we moved our pretty little selves out here, And….within six months we were ready to die. At the end of the first year, I told Mike we could move anywhere, even gulp, Arizona or New Mexico…just get us out of this situation. His perspective wasn’t too far off mine.

Our feelings had nothing to do with New York. We love it here…..the people, the landscape, the CLOSENESS to VERMONT. No, what has been making life so painful is the ever increasing pace of corporate America, passed down to Mike in rapid fire chunks from a certain un-named New England city. That misery, combined with our own brokenness and baggage, the craziness of life with three young boys, the loss of a major support system, and several other factors makes it feel like we are in an impossible situation.

Ever felt like that? Ever felt like you were being directly led by God into a place, and then the bottom dropped out from underneath you, leaving you to second guess all your decisions, your priorities, your basic daily steps to emotional survival?

I don’t like being in this place at all. Not New York, but the place of seeming impossibilities and struggling to understand what is happening.

Last night, I feel like I heard God tell me why he has let so much of the circumstances of the last year come to pass. “Julie…I’m doing this to squeeze the life out of you and Mike.”

Of course, being God, he relayed this to me in a really nice way. But, I think this is true…he’s not trying to ruin my life, but to make me desperate enough in my current life that I will finally completely surrender, and die, and give everything over to him, once and for all. It’s pretty easy to go through life in America without a huge desperation for God, and to fill up the empty places with distractions, media, Christian books, and “doing stuff.” I’m an expert at this, but I don’t want this to be my life legacy. It’s purposeless.

So, I’m trying to be OK with letting God squeeze the life out of me, but I don’t like pain. And the last 10 years have just been really painful…I wouldn’t mind a reprieve. . To take Dallas Willard’s advice, I’ll be honest about where I am, no facades. I don’t want to die, but I want to want to die. I think God can use that as a starting place.

How about you? Have you ever been in impossible situations where you’re only place to turn was God, but turning yourself over to God completely felt like a painful, confusing, slow death? Did you find life on the other side?

Seeking to fully live,

Filed Under: Christian Living, Depression/Anxiety, Healthy Living, Homemaking, Marriage, Parenting

A Homeschool Funny and FULL FRIDAY Linkup

November 29, 2012 By JulieBastuk 1 Comment

X is in kindergarten this year and we’ve been learning about the first peoples and civilizations. As part of this, I’ve told him about cave drawings, shown him paintings, and explained that people used to live in caves and use pictures to write about their lives. We learned that people did this thousands of years ago and were part of the earliest civilizations.

The other day, we visited a local park that is separated into two parts by a path that goes underneath a road overpass. As we walked under it for the first time, my boys were enthralled by the colorful nature of the walls in the overpass tunnel.

With enthusiasm, X exclaimed, “Mommy, were these cave drawings made by some of the first people God made?”

Needless to say, I was nearly falling on the ground laughing, and had no idea how to explain to him that he was just a few years off and this was not a great archeaological find.

How about you? Got a great family funny or moment to share? Link up with Full Friday! Just make sure and add a link back to Discovering Jubilee in your post!

Seeking to fully live,

Full Fridays is a place to post about the joy and life your kids bring you, allowing others to join in with you. It’s the end of the week: set aside the chore list, the fix it list, and posts about deep topics. Write and share about the humorous and joy filled moments that remind you why it’s a blessing to be raising a family!

Filed Under: Christian Living, Homeschooling, Kids Stuff, Marriage, Parenting, Uncategorized Tagged With: linkup

A November Challenge for Myself – I Will Not Complain (Outloud)

November 3, 2012 By JulieBastuk 1 Comment

With November here and Thanksgiving just a short few weeks away, I have been seeing post after post on Facebook where people are sharing things they are thankful for. I think its great for us to stop and remember our blessings, and I try to do it pretty often.

However, even right after I say a thank you, I am very good at voicing complaints. An expert, actually. This isn’t right, that isn’t right, the house will not stay clean, the bathroom smells like boys (you know what I mean), dumb wet dogs tracking mud and wet dog smell throughout my house, my husband didn’t clean “whatever it was he was cleaning” the way I would do it….you know how it is…the list goes on and on.

So, in the process of complaining, all of my thank yous sort of get diminished, and they don’t come as frequently as the complaints.

For November, I aim to remember to say more thank yous, but my main goal is to just quit the complaining. And, if I do complain, keep my mouth shut, complain to Jesus, and ask for his perspective to replace the one that I have causing me to gripe.

I know if I just say this to myself or my hubby, I’ll drop my resolve in five minutes when I get home and find jelly from who know’s when smeared on my dining room baseboards. Therefore, I am announcing it to the world as a means of accountability and am opening myself up to fiery darts, tomatoes, and what have you each time I decide complaining is really going to get me anywhere. Feel free to ask me throughout the month if I’m holding to this endeavor.

A disclaimer…if you come to my house, and get irritated by the same things that irritate me, you also tell Jesus about it and not me.

Now, a big thanks to my husband…he allowed me to come to the library this morning to crank out the last of two school papers I have due tomorrow, while he is at home with the kids. No complaining here.

Seeking to fully live,

Filed Under: Homemaking, Marriage Tagged With: thankfulness

Abstaining From Big Screen Love Stories?

June 6, 2012 By JulieBastuk 4 Comments

I’m considering ceasing the majority of my movie watching.

It’s not good for my heart, and doesn’t seem too helpful for marriage either.

Why am I thinking about this? It’s not like I watch alot of smut as it is…I’m pretty choosy these days with the content that I allow my eyes to see. However, I’m finding that my diligence in viewing boundaries hasn’t really done the trick.

“How?” you ask.

Well, let me answer by backing up a bit. Doesn’t it seem a bit “coincidental” that the country with a robust movie industry also has a 50% divorce rate? I don’t think movies themselves are inherently bad, but here in America we seem to only want to watch movies that have some sort of romantic story or subplot, and usually it involves gratuitous love scenes. I can hardly find a movie these days that doesn’t have some sort of him and her action going on.

I used to think that movies with a little romance were harmless, especially if they left the sex out. However, after being married for seven years, I’m starting to have a different opinion regarding movies, and alot of fiction books (I hardly read any romance novels, for good reason). Here’s why.

1. Movies are made up…the writers are in control of the characters and how they behave. Unfortunately, we (ahem, especially women) tend to forget how unrealistically alot of people are portrayed in films. In real life, men don’t remain mysterious, romantic all the time, always thoughtful, in great shape, meeting our every need. My own life has proven to me how easy it is to enter marriage with unrealistic expectations embedded in you towards how you think your husband should be on a constant basis. When reality sets in, it can be rather disappointing.

2. Entertaining ourselves with the love stories in movies sets our husbands up for failure. Come on, what man can compete with Jude Law in Cold Mountain, Mel Gibson in Braveheart, or countless other characters throughout movie history. Even Jude Law and Mel Gibson can’t live up to the characters they’ve played. Yet, we expect those shining qualities to appear in our husbands. Isn’t the way we women cling to romance in movies similar to how men approach pornography? We seek after something that isn’t real or lasting, too. Oh come on, you know it’s true; otherwise the romantic comedy genre would not be as big as it is now. Furthermore, how would we feel if our husbands constantly compared us in every way to their favorite female actress? We would immediately feel justified in calling them jerks, yet we are more than willing to put burdens on them that they weren’t meant to carry.

3. We’re mistaken in our understanding of what love really is. It’s not a feeling, it’s an act. However, as a culture, we are quick to let go of commitments when the fuzzy feeling is gone or the spark of excitement eludes us. We commit to wars and then get angry when we are engaged too long and we are tired of them, we save money from our paychecks for about 5 seconds, we can’t seem to stay married for the long haul…I could come out with tons of examples of how quickly we in America throw in the towel. Love and marriage aren’t always climactic and then wrapped up nicely in a couple of hours. They are often messy, hard, and require alot of effort, commitment, and “love” to stay in. The movies of today seem to make us forget these things.

I’m not exceptionally enthusiastic about drastically curbing what movies I watch. I love romantic comedies and dramas…I enjoy my chick flick time…I like seeing “happily ever after” stories. However, I’ve come to realize that my original definition of “happily ever after” was far from realistic. Much closer to the truth are movies like Fireproof and Courageous, and sometimes marriages don’t even work out like that.

Ultimately, it is less painful for me to stop dreaming of being married to a Colin Firth Mr. Darcy kind of guy, and better if I embrace who I am married to, flaws and all. Unlike the fleeting love of Hollywood, I can trust my husband to stick to his vows, provide for his family, and be there when I get up in the morning. He helps me out in so many ways and loves our little boys tremendously. I want to be extremely careful that I don’t continue to take those things for granted by selfishly putting the burden on him to be the perfect man. I need ALOT of grace, and want to be willing to offer that same grace to him.

How about you? Any thoughts on watching seemingly harmless movies? Or, how has ceasing to watch most movies helped your marriage?

Seeking to fully live,

Filed Under: Christian Living, Healthy Living, Marriage Tagged With: Love, Marriage, movies

Cerebral Series Part 3: The Apostle Paul and Neuroscience

June 5, 2012 By JulieBastuk 3 Comments

The apostle Paul was surprisingly ahead of his time when it came to neuroscience. Pretty good for someone who had never seen a brain scan or ran a qEEG.

2 Corinthians 10:5

New International Version (NIV)

⁵We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

I didn’t pay a whole lot of attention to this passage until recently. Of course, I had read it countless times, but I had an underlying belief that I really had no control over my thoughts, a mindset that set me up for feeling guilty alot and powerless to change. Come on, you know the thoughts I’m talking about….those horrendous beasts that show up out of nowhere and make you feel like an awful person, the thoughts you would be mortified to have anyone know about! OK, if you don’t have them, then either you’re lying or Satan doesn’t mess with you.

I’ve come to realize that all of my thoughts don’t necessarily originate with me. Of course, exposing myself to junk will provide prime fodder for the Enemy to work with, but lots of times he slips thoughts into my mind that I did not choose to think.

However, what I choose to do with those thoughts or any other thoughts that I did choose to think makes all the difference, and Paul recognized this. What Paul didn’t know, scientifically speaking, is how we can influence the neural pathways that are formed in our minds. For example, remember this passage? (yes, I realize that we don’t know for certain who the author of Hebrews was, but work with me here!:

Look after each other so that none of you fails to receive the grace of God. Watch out that no poisonous root of bitterness grows up to trouble you, corrupting many. Hebrews 12:15

Have you ever met anyone who just grew really bitter over time? Maybe when you first met them they seemed happy enough, but something happened that they got stuck on, and it seemed to eat and eat away at them until they became uncomfortable to be around? This happens when we aren’t diligent in rooting out thoughts that don’t belong in our minds and hand them to Jesus, when we choose to act on those thoughts instead of forgive. Gradually, our brain chemistry changes to reflect what we are thinking, and those chemistry changes then affect us negatively, creating a vicious cycle.

Dr. Daniel Amen describes these kinds of degenerative thought processes in Change Your Brain, Change Your Life. While he doesn’t attribute any of these intruding thoughts to Satan, he does state how damaging they can be to relationships and our minds when we don’t deal with them properly. For example, when our mind is overwhelmed with negative thoughts, our limbic system (the part of the brain controlling mood) can be affected, creating depression, anxiety, and irritability. However, if you are constantly letting happy, positive thoughts invade your mind, the limbic system is cooled off, resulting in a better mood. Which leads to another connection from Paul to neuroscience:

New International Version (©1984)
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things. Philippians 4:8

Obviously God hardwired our bodies to respond positively to truth and goodness. Besides just monitoring our thoughts as a means of righteous living, it’s just good self care. Every part of our bodies are affected by what we think, which is why Amen and others suggest that we often have physical symptoms such as headaches or stomachaches when we get upset.

Paul was really on to something here….taking our thoughts to Jesus really is important, and it’s not just so we can avoid feeling guilty. While we can try to deal with negative thoughts on our own, only Jesus can replace the lies we believe with real truth. When we try to fix ourselves by ourselves,we are subject to our neuroses and sin that we get entangled in; Jesus alone is the ultimate restorer and protector of our minds.

Maybe people who lived before the Renaissance and Industrial Age really weren’t as ignorant as we often think.

Seeking to fully live,

Filed Under: Christian Living, Depression/Anxiety, Marriage Tagged With: brain

A Cerebral Series Part 1: I’m Way More Complicated Than I Originally Thought

May 11, 2012 By JulieBastuk 2 Comments

I haven’t been posting much lately, mainly because I’ve just been thinking about alot of things. Things that boggle my mind and evade any firm conclusions.

My husband tells me quite regularly that I think too hard too often about things that I can never completely understand. But, I’m wired this way, and feel compelled to try and understand certain things as well as possible. This series is a compilation of things that I have been mulling over, stressing over, fretting over, getting excited over, etc in the last six months or so, accelerated immensely by two books I have read in the last couple of weeks that have rocked my world and perspective on it.

I call this a cerebral series for two reasons : 1 I may possibly be one of few people who feel the need to delve as deeply as I do into the topics I’m going to talk about, so be forewarned about upcoming said posts, and 2. what I’m going to be writing about deals specifically with literal cerebral issues.

I’m way more complicated than I originally thought. My human-ness specifically, not necessarily me indivdually, but that too.

Of late I have really been pondering human behavior, how mental illness is tied to it, and how do things like free will affect it. This feels extremely important to me, as I have struggled for years with depression, anxiety, and adult ADD. How much of my issues and behaviors are hardwired into my brain, how do things like environment affect me, and how do spiritual things collide with all of this?

The two books I mentioned, Change Your Brain, Change Your Life and Healing the Hardware of the Soul by Dr. Daniel Amen have made me look at the puzzle in a new way, but many pieces are still missing, leaving gaping holes of confusion and faith struggle. He has determined that certain types of brain scans can give tremendous insight into the inner workings of he brain, in regard to mood, behavior, conflict, aggression, drug use, etc. I highly recommend his books, but to warn you, if you’re anything like me, they won’t be light reading that you set down and forget.

While I have left his books with my head in a tailspin, I have drawn a definite conclusion. There is really little place for judging in this world, because as Dr. Amen has shown over and over through brain scans, we are not seeing the whole picture behind a person when we just evaluate their behavior alone. Second, thank God for Jesus because without him we would really just be screwed. We can’t succeed by just “trying harder” and we can hardly understand ourselves, much less another person. Grace is essential to us breaking free from fear and accusation.

Check out Dr. Amen’s books, and his clinics. I’m actually going to one of his clinics for an evaluation (I’m tired of doctors “guessing” with meds and diagnoses that are given to me), so if you’re lucky I’ll post my brain scans sometime soon and you can finally see for yourself what the heck has been up with my brain all these years. :)

And, when I feel completely overwhelmed with it all, and not understanding at all how God works with us through our broken humanity, this song brings it all back into perspective.

Seeking to fully live,

Filed Under: Christian Living, Depression/Anxiety, Healthy Living, Marriage Tagged With: behavior, mental illness

What Our Hearts Bind To…

January 25, 2012 By JulieBastuk 2 Comments

Carbon monoxide poisoning is a serious danger during the winter time. Anyone who owns a heater or furnace has been warned to check and make sure that it is working properly. This is because carbon monoxide, which is a byproduct of incomplete combustion, binds much more strongly to iron in hemoglobin molecules (which carry oxygen in blood). In fact, it bonds 200 times more tightly to hemoglobin than oxygen does. The side of effects of exposure to carbon monoxide are depression, memory loss, and confusion. Eventually, too high of concentrations of carbon monoxide will lead to death.

Isn’t this what our hearts are like? Our hearts seem to have a very strong affinity for things that will hurt us. We are attracted to things that are dark and ugly at the core. Even as followers of Jesus, it is so easy to let ourselves stray away from his side and allow other influences slip in….just a little at first, almost undetectable. But, if we don’t catch it quickly, before we know it we can travel far in the direction opposite of what God has for us.

It’s crucial for us to constantly monitor what we allow into our lives. Because of sin, what we need the most doesn’t bind as easily to our hearts…it doesn’t come naturally to us. We have to consistently hand control over to Jesus and ask him what we should allow in….what we watch, who we spend time with, where we go…. A regular maintenance check of our hearts with the Master Mechanic is necessary to make sure we aren’t living an impaired life.

Over the past several months, I’ve allowed Jesus to speak to me about a couple areas of life where my heart was binding to things that weren’t bringing life. At the time, they didn’t seem to be a problem to me, but looking back, I can see how long term they could have been major issues. Having rid those things from myself, I’ve lost some of the “confusion” that comes when your heart binds to the wrong things.

How about you….does your heart need an overhaul, maybe have some strong bonds to unhealthy things broken? Take it to Jesus, and allow him to get the poison out.

Seeking to fully live,

Filed Under: Christian Living, Depression/Anxiety, Healthy Living, Marriage

Content in Your Calling

January 23, 2012 By JulieBastuk 1 Comment

The life of stay at home moms can be really isolated and lonely.

This is especially true when you have little ones that need extra training and discipline before you can really take them on many outings, or just simply because getting little ones out the door can be an exhausting process. Sometimes I’m so tired by the time I get everyone loaded up in the van that I’d rather just stay home.

The isolation and loneliness comes when it’s difficult to meet new people….because you’re never leaving the house.

Or, you feel like you’re taken a hiatus from being a productive member of society, and the best you seem to be able to do for public service is to throw away stray paper towels in the bathrooms at Walmart.

Ministry seems to be a thing you “used” to do. Now, even taking a meal to someone can be quite the task.

I’ve struggled so much with these things, being the mother of three very young children. It’s easy to be tempted to believe Satan’s lies that I’m not accomplishing anything significant……I mean, does doing loads of laundry really help contribute to world peace?

I recently read some words by Francis de Sales…..”Let us be what we are, and let us be it well.”

The fact is, I’m a mom and a wife, and I have the privilege of staying at home with my children and making a home. This is where God has placed me, and my duty is to do my job well for his glory.

Consider two more statements by de Sales:

“God does not regard his servants according to the dignity of the office they exercise….”

and…

“The means of gaining perfection are various according to the variety of vocations; religious, widowed, and married persons must all seek after this perfection, but not all by the same means.”

According to Gary Thomas, author of Sacred Marriage, ”Francis accepted the presupposition that becoming a more mature person is just as honoring to God as is doing the right things.”

Do we seek to become mature in Christ as we raise our families and serve our husbands, or are we impatiently waiting for that time down the road when we have the “freedom” to get back into the world and do “real” ministry?

I fall prey to this temptation frequently, but then Jesus comes and gently reminds me that I’m where I need to be, and that he can be glorified, and I can find peace and joy right where I am. Doing the dishes again can be a fragrant offering to him. Picking up after the boys for the countless time is a service to Jesus. Each of these tasks I have each day, if done to glorify God, are just as important as any other great thing done for Him.

Most importantly, Jesus makes himself just as available to each of us who live in relative obscurity, serving our families, as he does to those who do great things for Him in the presence of many.

Be blessed today, as you serve Jesus in whatever place he has you.

Seeking to fully live,

Filed Under: Christian Living, Homemaking, Marriage, Parenting