Kids Stuff — Discovering Jubilee

Closure Conversations at Bedtime

March 28, 2013 By JulieBastuk 1 Comment

At the end of the day, I am usually very ready to get the kids in bed. I am neither a morning or a night person…I’m an 11 am kind of person. Because of this, my tendency is to want to rush the bedtime routine, hurry through the motions, and make a mad dash for the couch. Peace and quiet…the kind of quiet where I’m not wondering what one of the boys is getting into.

My two youngest boys will collapse into sleep within seconds if I can just get them still for a few minutes. However, my oldest, Xander, wants to preface sleep by laying next to me and having conversations. These usually range from “What are we going to do tomorrow?” to crazy hypothetical situations that I have no clue how to respond to. It generally requires alot of patience for me to lay there and chat, especially when I’ve been talking all day and desperately want a respite.

However, my perspective on these night time conversations changed radically last night. As I snuggled with him, Xander began talking about Easter, and it quickly turned to the real meaning of Easter and Jesus. Over the next half an hour we talked about why Jesus died on the cross, how that impacts our lives today, and the hope that we can have when we die. He continued to ask questions surrounding Jesus, which led into a short discussion about the time when Jesus comes back. Xander remained engaged in the conversation for quite a while, and then, as quickly as the conversation started, he seemed satisfied, rolled over, and said, “OK, Mommy, I want to go to sleep now.”

These are the moments we live for.

These are the talks I’ve dreamed of having with each of my boys since they were born.

These questions are proof that God is pursuing Xander’s heart, and Xander is responding.

When I left his room last night, I was consciously aware of how silly I had been for rushing bedtime in the past. Evening is the time when Xander really opens up his heart, and I need to take advantage of those sweet minutes, even when I’m exhausted. Talking to me at night while snuggling provides closure to the day for Xander, and helps him process what he’s experienced and taken in during the daylight hours. If I fail to respond to him and help him find closure, and direct it to Jesus, I’m doing him a great disservice.

Thanks you, Jesus, for pursing my beloved boys from a tender age, just as you pursued me….

Seeking to fully live,

Filed Under: Kids Stuff, Parenting

The Importance of Moderating Your Children’s Stress Level

March 12, 2013 By JulieBastuk 1 Comment

I just listened to a segment on NPR talking about the rapid increase in app development for people to monitor data about themselves. A new industry is emerging from this, and sites such as The Quantified Self. People are constantly evaluating stats about themselves, and trying to understand how that mass of information can make their lives better. This is just another example of the technology influx that is helping to steadily increase the pace of life in America.

Technology, longer working hours, massive amounts of media and information, and general discontent are driving Americans harder and faster to reach some nebulous goal. And while we are racing along in our pursuits, we are dragging our kids along, and developing our bad habits and discontent within each of them.

Stress has been studied quite a bit in adults, but has recently been researched more among children, to determine what is causing their stress, and how stress is affecting them long term. The results of these studies are serious, but shouldn’t necessarily be shocking. Either way, they should encourage us to stop, slow down, and think hard about how our busy lives are benefiting or hurting our children both short and long term.

Here are some specific examples:
Stress effects on children begins before they are born. Studies have shown that maternal stress on the fetus contributes to mental and motor delays in the toddler stage, and can also increase the chance for anxiety and chronic stress.
Bergman, K., Sarkar, P., O’Connor, T., Modi, N., & Glover, V. (2006). Prenatal stressful life events predict child cognitive outcomes. Journal of Early Human Development, 9(33), doi:10.1016.
Weinstock, M. (2008). The long term behavioral consequences of prenatal stress. Neuroscience and Behavioral Reviews, 32(6), 1073-1086.

Stress has been shown to negatively affect memory retrieval in children and increase the frequency of nightmares.
Quesada, A., Wiemers, U., Schoofs, D., & Wolf, O. (2012). Psychosocial stress exposure impairs memory retrieval in children. Psychoneuroendocrinology, 37, 125-136.
Schredl, M., Biemelt, J., Roos, K., Dunkel, T., & Harris, N. (2008). Nightmares and stress in children. Sleep and Hypnosis, 10(1), 19-25.

Chronic stress in children is correlated to obesity and consumption of fatty and sweet foods, and can also impact immunity
Michels, N., Sioen, I., Braet, C., Eiben, G., Hebestreit, A., Huybrechts, I., … De Henaux, S. (2012). Stress, emotional eating behavior and dietary patterns in children. Appetite, 59, 762-769.
Danese, A., Caspi, A., Williams, B., Ambler, A., Sugden, K., Mika, J. Werts, H., Freeman, J.,…Arseneault, L. (2011). Biological embedding of stress through inflammation processes in childhood. Molecular Psychiatry, 16(3), 244-246.

Stress can cause poor decision making in immature young brains, cause family and social interaction problems, and lead to lifelong self confidence and relationship struggles. Research has shown that 25%-33% of all psychiatric disorders stemmed from early life experiences.

Willemen, A., Koot, H., Ferdinand, R., Goossens, F., & Schuengel, C. (2008). Change in psychopathology in referred children: The role of life events and perceived stress. Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry, 49(11), 1175-1183.
Hodges, D. & Woon, F. (2011). Early life-stress and cognitive outcome. Psychopharmacology, 214, 121-130.

Finally, in cases of abuse, poverty, and high aggression households, stressors are even greater for children, and can affect things such as onset of menarche, brain cortisol levels (that are crucial for proper brain function), and their overall allostatic load (the accumulative effect of numerous stressors on the body over time.)
Blair, C., Raver, C., Granger, D., Mills-Koonce, R.,& Hibel, L. (2011). Allostasis and allostatic load in the context of poverty in early childhood. Development and Psychopathology, 23, 845-857.
Mendle, J., Natsuaki, M., Leve, L., Van Ryzin, M., & Ge, X. (2011). Associations between early life stress, child maltreatment, and pubertal development among girls in foster care. Journal of Research on Adolescence, 21(4), 871-880.
Towe‐Goodman, N. R., Stifter, C. A., Mills‐Koonce, W. R., & Granger, D. A. (2012). Interparental aggression and infant patterns of adrenocortical and behavioral stress responses. Developmental Psychobiology, 54(7), 685-699.

I encourage you to consider what activities or relationships in your life might be negatively affecting the stress levels in your children. Do you actively monitor the media and information content your children are exposed to? Do you pursue close, bonded relationships with them where they can process through injuries or hurts openly with you? Do you intentionally shield them from people or situations that could threaten their emotional and physical safety?

Two final tough questions. Are you striving to maintain a peaceful and healthy marriage for your kids’ sake, and not just yours? Are you working to slow down the breakneck speed of life, seeking quality and not quantity, and teaching your children contentment with what they have and in God?

I constantly have to evaluate these questions in my own life. It is so easy to maintain the status quo and float down the river in the same direction as every other American, but unfortunately, the Bible and data from the scientific world aren’t lying….if we don’t heed their warnings, we will have to bear the responsibility of many of the difficulties our children struggle with throughout their lives.

Seeking to fully live,

Linked up at:

Filed Under: Christian Living, Depression/Anxiety, Healthy Living, Homemaking, Kids Stuff, Marriage, Parenting, Uncategorized

Learning to Love Our Children?

February 26, 2013 By JulieBastuk 1 Comment

“Older women…are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.”

(Titus 2:3-5 ESV)

These days we hear and read alot about the need for women to love and respect their husbands. We are encouraged by so many bloggers to be Titus 2 women, and when I read this verse in the past, I saw only the “loving your husband” and “working at home” parts.

But, the word “children” is included in this phrase. Why? Is it really necessary for older, wiser women to train us how to love our children? As I was thinking on this recently, it seemed like a redundancy….of course mothers (most) love their children. That’s what we do! I think back to the love I felt each time one of my little boys was laid in my arms following their births. I feel certain I would lay down my life for any of them if need be.

So, if loving our children seems like a “duh” thought, why the admonishment for us to learn how do it?

I started evaluating my daily life with my boys, my routines and tasks, goals, plans, etc. I discovered, at least for my own self, that it is very easy to slip into child training mode out of duty, of molding and directing our children so that we have the hope of heaven in them, and doing our best to shape their behavior to make life as smooth as possible.

I came to the realization…all of those can be down without love. We can discipline, teach the Bible, take our kids to numerous activities, and provide for their necessities without real love. And lets be honest, there are some days we aren’t sure if we like our kids…..when the screaming, bickering, and bad or irritating behaviors have pushed us over the edge and we feel like running away.

In the midst of our mothering, it is so easy to slip into the mode of constantly trying to change our children, and forgetting to cherish who they inherently are. (We are all really good at doing this to our husbands, so it’s rather natural for us to extrapolate it to our kids). Some days I get so focused on training a child to work off a rough edge that I forget to love the quality that God created in him underneath that rough edge that makes him who he is. I get so consumed with getting things done during the day and making sure my kids fulfill their responsibilities that I forget to just enjoy then, to accept them completely as they are, broken pieces and beautiful pieces and all that falls in between.

One thing that I hear repeatedly from older women is that we younger moms need to cherish and love the little years. This is a bit of an enigma to me, because right now I feel like it’s most about surviving the little years. Nevertheless, nothing has been more encouraging or helpful to me than spending time with moms of older or grown children, soaking in their wisdom. Just like every other area of the Christian life, motherhood was not meant to be done alone or simply with our peers….community of all ages is crucial.

As I challenge myself, I also challenge you…what can you do to work on really loving your children more? Do you need to engage in more relationships with wise, mature women who can offer godly advice and help? Or do you need to take even a baby step, and get out of the house with your kids, and make mom friends of any age who can help you see your children and parenting from a fresh perspective?

Seeking to fully live,

Filed Under: Christian Living, Kids Stuff, Parenting, Uncategorized

Raising Globally Minded Kids

February 5, 2013 By JulieBastuk 1 Comment

For all of my married life, I’ve lived in American suburbia. Nice, comfortable, clean….the kind of places where it’s generally very easy to forget that there is a struggling world out there. As a stay at home mom who has cut off cable, it’s easy to insulate myself and my kids without any effort or intentionally doing so.

The downside of suburbia is that it is easy to get caught up in routine everyday life that includes school, sports, hanging out with friends, etc., and all the while unconsciously being swallowed up into a vortex that pulls my mind away from the hurting and suffering in the world. It can also easily mislead my kids about the struggles that the majority of the world faces.

I don’t like being numbed into routine and ignorance, but without intentionality on my part, it easily happens. If I, who have experienced the third world personally, have been made sick by bad water, have gotten malaria on numerous occasions, and have held dying babies can suffer from heart cooling and hardening and must fight against it, how much more do I need to be very intentional in training my kids to not ignore the world around them.

A couple of years ago, at an Oasis weekend led by the Crescent Project, I stumbled across a wonderful little book that offers practical and valuable suggestions on how to be an intentioanl family and train kids to become aware of what the world is really like, and learn to reach out and serve people both locally and globally.

It is called:

Becoming a World Changing Family: Fun & Innovative Ways to Spread the Good News by Donna Thomas.

This short volume reminds us to evaluate the essentials of life, and provides doable ways to introduce our kids to global awareness, and introduces the invaluable process of learning to pray for other countries and places where God is working throughout the world.

My boys are now at the age where I can really begin implementing some of Thomas’s suggestions, and encourage you to peruse the book yourself. As busy moms, it is easy to wonder how we can really help promote the kingdom and global change when we are at home cleaning up Legos, giving baths, and digging through the laundry to find matching socks. This book offers beginning, low stress ways to help fan into flame the love for people and God’s mission in our children.

Seeking to fully live,

Linked up at:

Spread the Word

Filed Under: Book Reviews, Christian Living, Kids Stuff, Parenting, World Events

My Little Boy is 2 and Full Fridays Linkup

January 4, 2013 By JulieBastuk 1 Comment

My littlest boy, Landon, just turned 2!. He makes Fridays, and everyday, very full…both of love and fun, and mischief, as indicated by the pen markings on his face! So blessed to have you, little man!

Full Fridays is a place to post about the joy and life your kids bring you, allowing others to join in with you. It’s the end of the week: set aside the chore list, the fix it list, and posts about deep topics. Write and share about the humorous and joy filled moments that remind you why it’s a blessing to be raising a family!

Linkytools is having a slight argument with my Paypal account, and this link will be back up and running soon. Feel free to include post links in the comments section.

Filed Under: Kids Stuff, Networks, Uncategorized

Yo Yo’s and Minas…and FULL FRIDAY Linkup!

December 21, 2012 By JulieBastuk 1 Comment

Have you ever noticed that when you become a parent, while your child’s vocabulary expands, your own regresses, sometime permanently?

When we have babies, invariably we all start talking to them in ridiculous babble, and then when they become toddlers, we simplify our words and phrases so they can pick up concepts more easily.

For example, instead of telling my 1 year old that “it’s time to go to bed!”, I say “Time go bed!”. Or, instead of “Can you lay down so Mommy can change your diaper?” I say, “Lay down Mommy change diaper.”

After long days with the kids and little adult interaction, I sometimes have to catch myself and make sure that I include prepositions and articles in my sentences when talking to my husband or friends. “Hubby, I tired…make coffee.”

Then there are the words that developed with my first son, that will remain forever. The word “bottle” will always be “ba ba“, which was instituted by my Aunt Carol. Yogurt will always be “yo yo’s”, and I never ask the kids if they want a banana anymore…they are now called “minas” thanks to my oldest son when he first started talking.

The funny thing is, as my boys are getting older, I keep using these words out of habit, and my kids are starting to correct me. “Mom, it’s not called yo yo’s! It’s yogurt!”

Dorky as I may sound, I love this word and phrase improvising. It makes each family unique…I tell my boys to go sleepy-bye night night, while other families have their own way of saying goodnight. It’s like our own special code that has developed up between all of us that belongs to us only.

How about you? Does your family have any crazy words or phrases that have developed over time? Share them or another great family moment by commenting or linking up in Full Fridays!

Seeking to fully live,

Filed Under: Kids Stuff, Networks, Parenting Tagged With: Full Fridays

30 Second Dance Party with the Boys and FULL FRIDAYS Linkup

December 14, 2012 By JulieBastuk 2 Comments

Yesterday morning, as I was rushing to get dressed to get my 3 year old to preschool on time, I ran into my closet, grabbed a pair of jeans, and pulled them on.

I thought I was putting on my favorite pair of jeans, the ones that fit just right with room in all the right places, and was surprised to find that my jeans fit just a bit tighter. At first I was paranoid…maybe those stress relieving chocolate chip cookie ice cream sandwiches were catching up with me.

Then, I thought….wait, these jeans aren’t ones I wear everyday…could it be, that these are my skinny jeans that I haven’t been able to wear since getting pregnant with my third son almost three years ago?!

My husband was already working, so I ran into the boys room and hollered at them to try and read the size of my jeans as I folded down the back waistband.

1. Fortunately, my boys are little and have no inhibitions about fulfilling dumb requests like this focusing around the vicinity of my rear end.

2. I didn’t want to take the jeans off and check myself for fear that they might not actually come back on…maybe I was experiencing a very short case of The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants phenomenon.

Low and behold, we located the size, and in fact, the jeans were a size smaller than I’ve been wearing for two years. So, what happened next?

I busted into a 30 second dance party, which my boys happily joined in with!

Then, we frantically got loaded up into the car, racing off to preschool. But, that one little moment made the rest of the day better, and it was so fun to have my three little guys get as excited about Mommy fitting into skinny jeans as I did.

Do you have any happy kid moments to share? I’d love to read them!

Seeking to fully live,

Filed Under: Kids Stuff, Networks, Parenting, Uncategorized

Christmas Gift Giving and All That Entails…

December 11, 2012 By JulieBastuk 4 Comments

When I was younger, I loved Christmas….it was by far my favorite holiday of the year. While I enjoyed getting presents, I was honestly more excited about the Christmas story, how everyone seemed nicer to each other for a month, and all the bling that comes with the celebrations.

I still love Christmas, but it brings more stress each year than I care to deal with. It began with the time that I was financially capable of buying presents for loved ones. Is it just me or are some of the people in your lives SO VERY HARD to shop for? I usually hated the process so much that I would put shopping off to the very last minute. Don’t get me wrong, I love giving people gifts, I just hate alot of the expectations and drama that can come with it.

Now that I have children, the stress is worse. TV and advertisers do NOTHING to help us parents out. By the time Halloween is over, our kids have a running list in their heads of the top 200 items they want Santa to bring, and we don’t hear the end of it until Christmas morning.
(I confess…I finally broke down and explained to my almost 6 year old that Santa isn’t real. He assumes Santa will bring him everything on his list, and I have a conscience issue with telling him that Santa will bring him presents, but there are millions of children around the world that barely have food or clothing, which is why we participate in Operation Christmas Child. Obvious disconnect there in what areas of the world Santa travels to. Fortunately, X took the news pretty well, and actually seemed happy that Mommy and Daddy got his presents. He also seemed contented that it was still OK and fun to pretend about Santa.)

In the past couple of years, we have been experimenting on how to deal with the gift giving issue for our kids. Last year, we implemented the 3 gift rule….rather arbitrary, but we used the reason that when Jesus was born he received three gifts from the wise men. That seemed to satisfy our boys.

Recently in our church, another method was presented that seems pretty logical to me. Each kid gets four presents: Something they want, something they need, something they wear, and something they read. That may just be the way we go next year.

How about you? How do you approach the Christmas season with your kids, wanting to give them gifts they want yet also teaching them that they can’t have all that they want?

Seeking to fully live,

Filed Under: Christian Living, Gadgets and Gear, Kids Stuff, Parenting

Word Play and FULL FRIDAYS Linkup

December 7, 2012 By JulieBastuk 4 Comments

My 3 year old, G, is reaching a point in his life where he is extremely outgoing, knows no strangers, and is developing the funniest vocabulary. He never ceases to surprise me with what comes out of his mouth.

Lately, he has been using big words like disappointed, interesting, and magenta. I have no clue how he knows what magenta means, but he got the color right when he pointed at it. I find it so funny to hear such big words coming out of such a little guy.

He also makes up his own words, which are great. Whenever my kids have runny noses, I always tell them that they have snots and we need to use a tissue. Somehow he morphed this term, and now he tells me he has cocodots and needs a tissue. Where did he get that?

Beyond his vocabulary, his choice of bedtime reading material is really funny. The other night he wanted to read a science book about space, which was reasonable. However, he then insisted on reading the 2013 promotional catalog for the Toyota Tundra trucks. He was very engaged throughout, pointing out the engines to me and noticing the different wheel options available. Oh, and he pointed out the magenta truck.

My little boys never cease to amuse me…..I think God knew that parenting would be tough so he made sure and added a measure of comic relief in each of these blessings!

Share your family joys and humorous moments with me by linking up with Full Fridays!

Seeking to fully live,

Linking up today with: The MOB Society

Filed Under: Kids Stuff, Parenting, Uncategorized

A Homeschool Funny and FULL FRIDAY Linkup

November 29, 2012 By JulieBastuk 1 Comment

X is in kindergarten this year and we’ve been learning about the first peoples and civilizations. As part of this, I’ve told him about cave drawings, shown him paintings, and explained that people used to live in caves and use pictures to write about their lives. We learned that people did this thousands of years ago and were part of the earliest civilizations.

The other day, we visited a local park that is separated into two parts by a path that goes underneath a road overpass. As we walked under it for the first time, my boys were enthralled by the colorful nature of the walls in the overpass tunnel.

With enthusiasm, X exclaimed, “Mommy, were these cave drawings made by some of the first people God made?”

Needless to say, I was nearly falling on the ground laughing, and had no idea how to explain to him that he was just a few years off and this was not a great archeaological find.

How about you? Got a great family funny or moment to share? Link up with Full Friday! Just make sure and add a link back to Discovering Jubilee in your post!

Seeking to fully live,