The Power of Asking Forgiveness

February 27, 2011 By 1 Comment

Mike and I are still newbies at this parenting thing – our oldest is about to turn four, our second son is about to turn two, and our youngest is only 8 weeks.  We’re still figuring things out, determining what works and what doesn’t, and are trying to raise up our children in a biblical manner. 

I’ve always been a fan of the Super Nanny, and up until now we have pretty much followed her discipline tactics, especially regarding the Naughty Spot.  Most importantly, each time our children were punished, we explained to them why it was being administered and then had them repeat back to us why.  We wanted to make sure that they clearly understood their infractions and that they chose the discipline when they chose not to obey Mommy and Daddy.

Recently we have been learning some parenting skills from a couple who has much older kids, one in college and two teenagers.  In describing their parenting they expressed the need to have children ask their parents for forgiveness after discipline as well as praying to ask Jesus for forgiveness.

Duh!  Why had that never occurred to me?  I had noticed that when we instructed our oldest to say “sorry” it was clear more and more frequently that his response wasn’t quite sincere, or it was said quickly so that he could go off and get back to playing.

Requiring our son to begin asking our forgiveness and then praying to Jesus has changed the game entirely, and in a positive way.  It is humbling for anyone, even a child, to ask for forgiveness….these days simply saying “sorry” doesn’t mean so much.  Adding prayer on top of that  seems to produce an even more contrite spirit in our son…he knows that talking to God is a serious matter. 

Every time lately that I administer punishment, epsecially in the form of a spanking, my son’s first response is anger and tears, but once he has gotten hugs, asked for forgiveness from us, and asked for forgiveness from Jesus, and knows that he has received it, he is suddenly a different child.  I was actually really amazed the first time this happened.

Even a three year old can experience the Spirit’s presence and God’s forgiveness, and the changing power of it.  I’m kicking myself for not beginning to pray with him over discipline a really long time ago.  It has been a blessing and probably would have saved us from alot of lingering resentment and defiance from our son in the past.

Seeking to live fully,

Image: Arvind Balaraman

Filed Under: Parenting

True Love is Shown By…

February 19, 2011 By 1 Comment

Signing my husband up for an 18 week mini-marathon training?

Yes, this was my Valentine’s gift to Mike this year, meaning every Saturday morning at 8 AM he gets to head over to the local rec center and join others to brave the chilly weather and run.

I’m not being mean (he’s only been running in general for 2 weeks), and I’m not implying that Mike needs to lose a few pounds. He thinks I’m more confident in his ability than he is….and I am. He started running 5Ks after only a few weeks of starting to work out again after months of little exercise.  I am pretty impressed, because 2 miles takes some real effort for me.

Now my only fear is….what is he going to sign me up for?

Filed Under: Marriage Tagged With: ,

I Am Seen and Known

February 17, 2011 By Leave a Comment

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There are approximately 6,900,521,878 people in the world right now. 

I am a rather obscure, unimportant, easily forgettable sample of that huge set.

Still, God takes notice of me. The petty things, trivial issues, fears, unanswered questions in my life…none of these sneak past his eyes.

He sees my heart, knows its deepest parts, how it beats differently than every other heart in the world, and yet beats the same.

How do I know with certainty that he cares about me, is concerned with the things that concern me, is interested in me and who I have been and who I am to become?

Because he sent the One dearest to him, the One who was perfect always, the One who is most beautiful, the One who is most treasured…..and that is not One to be wasted. 

The life and death and resurrection of Jesus is paramount, and God would not have sent such a valuable sacrifice unless he saw each of us as valuable enough to warrant it.

And despite the 6,900,521,878 in the world, each vying for God’s attention, how do I know that he will come through for me?  Because he has done it time and again…he has never once failed me.

He will be very gracious to you at the voice of your cry; when He shall hear it, He will answer.  Isa. 30:19

Seeking to fully live,

Filed Under: Christian Living, Depression/Anxiety Tagged With:

A Look Back at Valentine’s Day

February 15, 2011 By Leave a Comment

MCCALL STYLE & BEAUTY

The big day is now over…the flowers have been sent, dinners served, chocolates eaten, and kisses stolen. And now I wonder, for how many people does the magic of Valentine’s Day carry over into today, and tomorrow, and the rest of the year?

On last week’s episode of The Biggest Loser, Gillian Michaels said that Valentine’s Day is “just about feeling loved.” Everyone wants to know that they are remembered by someone, and are special. However, sometimes I wonder if this holiday is just a facade put on for a day, romantic feelings donned for a few hours, and false sentiment expressed in the same way that the short season of Christmas causes people to be temporarily more cheerful and giving of good will towards others.

I like Valentine’s Day (my favorite color is red), but my understanding of being loved doesn’t ride on it. My husband showered me with gifts yesterday, but that isn’t the only day of the year that he genuinely expresses his love and affection toward me. Even if he forgot the day, I wouldn’t really feel slighted. I’m certain of my standing with him the rest of the year.  Likewise, I don’t doubt the love of my family and friends simply because they miss this date….I know their love by what they do every other day of the year.

And didn’t Jesus say it is better to give than to receive? When did Valentine’s Day become all about “me”? In the United States, February 14th seems to be one of the most selfish days of the year, because so many people are waiting to “receive” and become bitter and angry when they aren’t the recipients that they want to be. Wouldn’t the true meaning of love be better displayed if we used this day as a day to intentionally love those who have been most neglected, those who are alone, and those who are needy than to sit back and await what candy and flowers might arrive at our doorsteps?

Like most everything else, romantic feelings are fleeting. I seriously wonder how many people felt romanced yesterday (the romancer doing it simply because of the date on the calendar) and will today go to bed wondering where all those feelings went? Or wondering if there is true love behind those feelings?

In a country who has a 50% divorce rate, I can’t help but question how sincere Valentine’s Day really is. If it is truly a sign of love and loyalty, why aren’t more families sticking together? I’m all for celebrating a day of love, but wouldn’t it be great if it were a day where everyone focused solely on doing whatever they could to love others, and not obsess with how they were loved, wined, and dined in return?

Seeking to fully live,

Filed Under: Marriage Tagged With: ,

10 Reasons for Living in a State That Freezes Over During Winter

February 8, 2011 By 1 Comment

I grew up in South Texas, and transplanted north after college. As a result, getting used to really cold weather during the winter was an adjustment to say the least. I can recall numerous Christmases when I was a child that featured temperatures in the 70s.

However, after 10 years of living in Indiana and Colorado, I have an appreciation, if a bit begrudgingly during February, for really cold weather.

My top ten reasons (that I’m listing to re-convince myself) for living in a state that sports frigid temps many months out of the year:

1. The fire ants of the south feel that weathering out a long winter just to torture people and their lawns during the summer time is simply not worth it.

2. The return of Pumpkin Spice Lattes each fall at Starbucks seems so much more noteworthy.

3. Excessive ice and snow days lets my husband get to work from home a few times each winter, making them feel like extra quasi-vacation days.

4. My husband and his best friend have the excuse to do donuts in their neighborhoods with their cars, using the excuse that they are just “testing the brakes and winter tires.”

5. I can leave my groceries in the car all day until I have the chance to get to them, without worrying about anything thawing out.

6. I get the satisfaction of a dramatically reduced electric bill. (This includes intentional ignoring of the fact that my gas bill has tripled.)

7. Unlike the grass in my lawn that will not mow itself every week during the summer, the snow in my driveway will eventually melt if I don’t shovel it.

8. There seems to be an implied rule that everyone eats more during the winter when it’s cold, and fewer people tend to remark then on the few extra pounds you’ve gained.

9. Flannel sheets to snuggle in….that’s all I need to say.

10. And finally, seeing my kids all bundled up like Pillsbury dough kids, playing in the snow and loving it, just warms my heart!

Seeking to fully live,

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Jesus Has Borne All That I Will Ever Suffer

February 7, 2011 By Leave a Comment

  />Cross in the Wichitas

“Jesus has borne all that we will ever suffer….”

I heard this quote today and it stopped me in my tracks.  Why, I’m not entirely sure.  I’ve read the Scriptures that say Christ has redeemed us from the Curse and I’ve heard since I was a child about Jesus’ work on the cross, but this particular phrasing really resonated with me.

In her new book, Ann Voskamp describes how just naming something can be huge, relieving, peace-giving…in the same way, there’s something similar in just wanting to be understood.  When my husband and I argue, I’m usually more happy if he just understands my position, even if he doesn’t agree with it.

I wonder if the constant feeling of not being understood is why so many people are prone to bitterness, complaining, and rehashing of events over and over.  Maybe they have never felt that what they’ve gone through was truly grasped and understood by anyone else, and in a desperate attempt to truly be heard they feel the need to display their hurt and discontent readily and unreservedly.

Maybe this is why I have a hard time letting things go.  I want to be understood.  I hate it more than anything when I leave a situation and feel like someone believed a wrong impression of me, doubted my good intentions, or questioned my motives because of misinformation.  And so I scramble to defend myself.

My need for understanding is why I will prolong conflict with people close to me….not because I like to argue, but because I must have some sense that they “get” where I’m coming from, that my arguments are validated, that I am proved valuable and of worth.

But all this is unnecessary….Jesus has borne my hurts, my curses, my fears…..He alone understands

….when people judge me based on misperceptions

….when I’m terrified to sleep at night because of threatening panic attacks

…when I struggle with old regrets and shame of things that can never be changed

…when the fog of depression clouds reality

…when thoughtless words or actions from loved ones sting

…when I feel most alone.

He has suffered each of these with me, and understands when no one else does.  And in his enduring the Cross and all the suffering that came with it for the joy that was to come, I can cling to him and his understanding with the hope that I too will see joy.

“For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesseses….”   Hebrews 4:15

Seeking to fully live,

Filed Under: Christian Living, Depression/Anxiety, Uncategorized Tagged With: ,

A Top Down Approach to Scripture Memory

February 3, 2011 By Leave a Comment

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With the new year comes New Year’s resolutions.  A resolution that seems to be chosen quite frequently is the goal of memorizing more Scripture in the coming year.

A worthy goal, yes, but daunting.  When I think of undertaking the task of memorizing verses, I always end up feeling guilty, recalling accounts of foreign, oppressed Christians who have memorized huge portions of the Bible while I have done so little.

The typical approach that I’ve encountered for Scripture memory is to pick a book of the Bible and just start hacking away at it, starting at the beginning and working to the end, one verse at a time.  Another approach would be to pick out the random verses that mean the most to a particular person and memorize them one at a time.

While these two plans work for many people, they just aren’t super effective for me and the way my brain works.  I am a big picture person, and almost always, the way for me to retain information the best is to start with a big idea and work my way down to the details.

Here’s my approach to memorizing portions of the Bible: 

1.  Pick a book to work on commiting to memory.

2.  Instead of starting with verse 1 and memorizing away, study the main idea of each chapter and work on retaining them.

3.  After being able to recall the theme content of each chapter, delve deeper into each, a chapter at a time, to memorize sub-themes.

4.  Finally, focus on memorizing the actual verses for each chapter.

While this may seem rather simplistic, it’s been hugely helpful for me to retain Biblical information for much longer, compared to when I immediately jump in and start working on a book verse by verse.

I will never forget the Gospel of John course I took in college.  My professor, who taught me to love the book, insisted that we memroize the main idea of each chapter and be able to easily recall it when asked.  So now, whenever someone mentions John 4, I immediately think “the chapter about the woman at the well.”  John 10 is burned into my memory as the “Good Shepherd” chapter.   As I mentally break apart the book of John into its themes, it is so much easier to remember specific verses and where they fit into the book as a whole.

My biggest personal struggle is with my identity in Christ, and all that entails, so this year I’m going to work on memorizing the book of Ephesians using my top-down approach.  Want to join me?

Seeking to fully live,

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Valentine’s Marriage Challenge-Week 3: Intimacy

February 2, 2011 By 3 Comments

Today I’m linking up with Women Living Well for week 3 of Courtney’s marriage challenge.

This week’s focus, intimacy, is obviously one of the most important parts of the marriage relationship. Isn’t it strange how we can struggle with too much intimacy before marriage, and then once we’re allowed by God to have full freedom in intimacy our struggle becomes to actually pursue it?

It’s pretty clear that Satan’s agenda is to wreck marriages before they start, if possible, and cause them to implode once two people are married. He seems to focus on distracting women from paying attention to things that are really important to our husbands, tempting us to dwell on what is matters most to us personally and not the needs of the ones who are to have highest priority in our lives second to Jesus.

Let’s not give the Enemy another foothold by believing the lies that intimacy and cherishing our husbands isn’t important or that our needs should be met first. Check out Courtney’s blog for encouragement and suggestions for this week!

Seeking to fully live,

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