Gratefulness Paves the Way for Happiness

January 31, 2011 By Leave a Comment

I’m terribly ungrateful most of the time.

Eden’s first sin is repeated in my flesh over and over and over daily.

I forget that God’s heart is good, and so I demand from him and life the things that I think are rightfully mine.

And happniess and contentment evade me.

One Thousand Gifts has been a brilliantly written reminder of the power of thankfulness, for seeing the magnificent in the mundane, for learning to hope for joy through faith in grace and God’s goodness.

And so today, I’m beginning a record of my own 1000 gifts, the tiny bits of grace and goodness that God is giving me each day….pursuing joy in thankfulness.

Check out Multitudes on Mondays to see what other women are thanking God for.

1. Fresh snow on tree branches
2. Sunday lunch with my family
3. Early morning fog
4. Newborns’ fuzzy hair
5. Baby’s first smile
6. Flannel sheets
7. Lemon bars baking in the kitchen
8. Calls from my husband just to say hi
9. The bright blue in the eyes of my oldest boys.
10. Cellos

Filed Under: Christian Living

I’m So Martha…..not Stewart.

January 28, 2011 By Leave a Comment

Sit A Spell

Luke 10:38-42 (New International Version, ©2011)

38 As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. 39 She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. 40 But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”
41 “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, 42 but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”

What is better than my firstborn snuggling up next to me on the couch, enjoying late morning quiet. Or my toddler dancing happily to music playing from the baby swing? Or my newborn wriggling as close as possible while we lay on the bed that I open my eyes to a tiny button nose touching mine?

But I get upset about many things….the loads of laundry waiting, my white sock unworthy floors, the incessant yapping of our dog, that as of yet unidentified thing that is making my car reek…

Don’t you care, Lord, about all that needs to be accomplished? And it is never finished. The same messes come tomorrow that are here today.

If I sit at your feet all day, sit with the Little Ones you’ve given me, talk with the Man you’ve given me…when is supper cooked, the toys put away, chaos subdued?

Did Martha struggle with the same lies in her head that I do? Cleanliness is next to godliness. If you’re house isn’t up to par, then you are validating the stereotype of stay at home moms who simply sit on the couch all day watching soap operas and eating chocolate. If your life and household aren’t squeaky clean with made from scratch meals daily, then you are not managing as God intended wives to.

Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said.

When I’m running non-stop, refusing to sit and “live” because of all the “stuff” that needs to be done, I’m not hearing Jesus.
Be still and know that I am God. Being still is so hard when you’re powered by lies that insist on hurrying, busyness, and perfection.

Maybe if Martha had slowed and listened to Jesus, he would have expressed exactly what he expected of her, the most important things to be done at that moment. Am I not just like her, springing into action each morning, running through my agenda and jumping once again into a pool of lies that makes demand after demand of me and my time, instead of first sitting at His feet…listening, trusting, entering into life.

And then, throughout the day, when the Master whispers to me to calm, hand him my stress, play with the children, and put the next task to be finished down, don’t I ignore his promptings, insisting that I’m doing all the work and doesn’t anyone notice and won’t anyone help me?

When I do that, I’m turning down life, joy, peace……the one thing that is truly needed.

Filed Under: Christian Living, Homemaking Tagged With: , ,

25 Day Valentine’s Challenge: When Praise Doesn’t Come Easy

January 26, 2011 By Leave a Comment

This is the second week I’m participating in Courtney’s challenge over at Women Living Well .

I started thinking alot this week about what you do in marriage when praise doesn’t come easy….when all marriage has become is dirty socks, and supper to be cooked, bills to be paid, children to be disciplined, and a memory of the hope of happily every after.

How do you praise your spouse when you reach the point of forgetting or not noticing what there is to praise, and verbal exchanges lose their tenderness and intimacy, replaced with “You haven’t done this” and “All you ever do” and “Why can’t you be?”

It’s easy to slip into this mode…easy to forget the things that brought two people together in the first place. Easy to let ingratitude and the busyness of everyday life slip in.

Isn’t this the time when we should praise and love and thank even when all we see with our broken eyes is not the picture perfect life we hoped for? Bitterness creeps in so easily when we’re not paying attention, and roots of bitterness are so hard to pull out.

Isn’t the most grace available for us when we look past our selves and determine to find grace and good in others, insisting on loving our spouses the way they need to be loved, even when we don’t feel like it?

Feelings can’t be always be trusted, and it’s never feelings that keep a marriage together. It’s determing to love and thank in the midst of hard times and good times, allowing Jesus to change our hearts within us. He will change our beliefs in need of repair, and the right feeling toward our spouse will follow.

This is a challenge to myself today….to push my “self” out of the way, and purpose to see my spouse the way Jesus does, to be grateful and praiseful for all the good things that I have, and the hope for the joy that Jesus is bringing and will bring.

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Standing Alone with God

January 24, 2011 By Leave a Comment

Along with the birth of a new baby comes the task of parenting. When I was little, I thought parenting had to be relatively easy…you just feed the kids, change diapers, play with them, and send them to Sunday School.

Now that I have three little ones, I have definitely been slapped in the face with the great responsibility and tough decision making that comes with having a family. What makes it harder is that there are so many willing parties out there jumping at the bit to tell me the best way to parent. On top of that, alot of them, even those that are extremes of each other, make really good arguments for their methods. Take, for instance, baby scheduling vs. attachment parenting. We have so many child rearing books, ranging from Babywise, to the Baby Whisperer, to the Sears Baby Book. Each time I read one of them, I always think to myself, “Oh, that makes so much sense.” However, when it comes to actually picking a parenting style (especially when it comes to trying to come up with a baby routine) I get so confused that I don’t know where to start and my results are often quite muddled.

I have also found the same problem when it comes to my relationship with God. There are SO many people, books, etc. out there that claim to lay out the best ways to do relationship with Him, to get the best of His blessings, to spend time with Him on a daily basis…the list goes on and on. It is really difficult for me to just go to God on my own and ask for his input on the way I should do things. Like with all the parenting options, my tendency in dealing with the Maker of all things is to consult with human beings first, rather than go directly to the giver of Life and Wisdom.

Really rather dumb, when you think about it. No one human is a fail-proof parent and knows exactly the right game plan for each child; neither is any one human all knowing and giving of unconditional love like God…why then would I trust a human or book explicitly over God?

My deep seated motivation, I believe, is the fact that it can be really scary to stand alone with God. We are so wired as fallen humanity to compare ourselves with everyone else that it can be disconcerting to take oneself out of that equation and no longer have any defense for what you do other than “Well, that’s what God told me.”

If I choose a decision that was influenced by another person, I can push the blame off on them when things go awry. It’s easy to say “Oh, well, so and so is supposed to be an expert on such and such subject and that’s why I listened to them and did this or that.” That feels alot safer than having to actually take responsibility for myself, my decisions, and my relationship with God.

Still in the end, safety or not, there’s real life only in being able to stand alone with God…to stake everything on my relationship with Him, to trust Him to teach me the things I need to do, to discern what is actually wise counsel from others, and to hold fast to my decisions and not try to chuck responsibility off to someone else.

I’m not at this place yet….but I’m working on it. One great thing about God is that He won’t let you stay where you are…He pokes and prods and encourages, determined to lead us into true, abundant life.

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A Valentine’s Marriage Challenge

January 21, 2011 By 1 Comment

Courtney, from Women Living Well posted a 25 day Valentine’s challenge on Wednesday.

I will be the first to admit, I’ve got a lot of work to do as a wife. I’m really good at being selfish, irritable, gripey, and thoughtless, and not always so respectful, submissive, kind, or giving. However, Jesus keeps working on me, and I”m excited to take part in this challenge with a bunch of other great women out there and seek to make necessary changes in how I treat my awesome husband.

I’ll be posting over the next couple of weeks with updates. Check out Courtney’s blog and come join the challenge with us!

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I Will Never Be Martha Stewart

January 19, 2011 By Leave a Comment

Many women struggle with projecting images of other women from magazines and the celebrity world onto their ideas of what they themselves should be and look like. I don’t have too much of a problem with this. I’ve learned to be content with the fact that I’m probably going to be a size 8 at best with the possible chance of size 6 jeans now and then, as long as the say “STRETCH” on the label. I don’t fret over the fact that my makeup never looks professional and no matter what I do, I can never replicate a hairstyle generated for me at the salon.

I’m not overly influenced by Cosmo, or Vogue, or People, and I chalk celebrities’ abilities to look good all the time to their expensive personal trainers, makeup artists, fashion designers, etc. No, my big hangup is magazines like REAL Simple, Southern Living, Better Homes and Gardens, and the like.

The funny thing is, I used to be a major slob. Embarrassingly slobby. The “I will avoid having people over at all costs” kind of slob. How I got that way I’m not really sure, considering my mom ran a pretty structured household for someone who worked full time.

Then I got married and had kids. And now, keeping a clean, tidy, organized house is way up at the top of my priority list. It’s almost become an obsession.  (OK, it is an obsession).   I think I own every home organization book written, and when I go to Barnes and Noble just to hang out and get a coffee, I can’t pass up the REAL Simple magazine, sitting on the periodical endcap, calling my name and promising that if I just buy this issue, my housekeeping quandries will be solved and my house will suddenly be featured in a home tour.

Despite my love of clean and clutter free living areas, I’m finally realizing a few things.
1.) While I’m great at noticing dirt, I was not blessed with the gift of organizing or interior decorating.
2. ) Children live in my house, and childhood is as natural a state of being as adulthood. (see the great book Keeping House: A Litany of Everyday Life)
3. ) My determination to keep a spotless house, with things picked up at all times, is making me a chronically irritated person, causes me to view my kids as messy incoviences, incites me to nag my husband, and generally creates strife in our house. 

Yes, I realize these are “duh” statements. But I have a thick head and it usually takes God a while to break through to me.

Maintaing our house, creating an inviting home environment, and doing general housework, are good and necessary things, but not if they are done at the expense of my family. They are a means to an end, not the desired in, which I’m really good at making them.   I have discovered, as Erma Bombeck said, “Housework, if you do it right, will kill you.”

So, I’m trying to learn to content myself with the fact that my house will never look Martha Stewart inspired, my cooking will never be Bobby Flay quality, and I will never be as stylish as Stacy London. But I’m becoming  increasingly OK with this. Not being naturally gifted in any of these areas, trying to reach their levels would take all of my time. In the end, I would rather have an OK house where well loved and accepted children and husband live with their happy mother and wife.

Filed Under: Christian Living, Homemaking

One Thousand Gifts : The new book by Ann Voskamp.

January 18, 2011 By Leave a Comment

I can’t wait to read this new book by Ann Voskamp….this woman makes words come alive.

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Foolishness is in the Hearts of Children….

January 17, 2011 By Leave a Comment

Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; The rod of discipline will remove it far from him.

-Proverbs 22:15

I was really encouraged listening to last week’s Willow Creek Community Church sermon.  They are beginning a new series entitled The Family Series, and it is exactly what I need right now.

Our almost four year old son has entered the phase of outright stubborness and defiance.  He questions EVERYTHING we ask or tell him, and has recently taken up temper tantrums and becoming a tad bit aggressive with his anger.

Mike and I have been caught off guard, to say the least.  We naively assumed that our sweet, angelic little boy would stay that way forever.  Sure, we sin and are subject to depravity, but that cute little bundle that we brought home from the hospital a few years ago surely couldn’t be in the same boat!

Now we are caught in the tension of wanting to be authoritative parents, but not authoritarians.  We want our parenting to be grace-based, but not wishy washy and allowing of too much.  And of course, when we discipline and our son gives us one of those puppy dog, “why are you being so mean to me?” looks, we feel like the most cruel, heartless people ever, even when we know we were clearly in the right.

Bill Hybels, senior pastor of Willow, reflected on the changes that parenting has exhibited over his lifetime.  He remembers his father being reserved in giving out “I love you’s” but being very intentional in disciplining his children and crafting them into responsible, respectful adults.  In contrast, Hybels notes that today’s parents have swung to the opposite extreme, and are much more likely to lasvish love and affection on their kids without administering the limits and discipline that are needed and craved by them.   He points out that character talks, setting up limits, and enforcing consequences are not standard procedure these days, and good intentioned parents believe that if they just LOVE their kids enough, they won’t have to deal with the dirty, unpleasant side of raising children that includes discipline.

Foolishness is bound up in the hearts of children, and it is our job to discipline them in order to “chase it out”.   Again, as Hybels pointed out, just showering our chldren with love and affection won’t get the job done because our children, just like us, are subject to depravity.  Their natural instincts are to do wrong.

Being reminded of this verse was huge for me.  It gave me more resolve again to finish what I have started, and not to just back down and say “I’m tired of arguing with this child”, “I’m tired of repeating myself again and again and again”, “I”m tired of seeing really slow results”, etc.   It’s going to take some work to raise our kids the way God expects us to.  After all, their hearts are “bound” in foolishness, not merely draped or glossed over.  I must be firm and determined to chase it out, doing my part to present them to Jesus in the manner that He has called me to.

Now, this isn’t all to say that we shouldn’t lavish love and affection on our kids.  I actually don’t know how parents could NOT do this…even when I’m terribly frustrated with my children I still think they were the greatest idea ever.  But, I am reminded, and encouraged, that when I take the time to consistently discipline my kids, I am truly loving them and giving them a better start in life.

If you’re interested in hearing Hybel’s sermon at Willow Creek, click here .

Filed Under: Parenting Tagged With: , ,

My “Successful” Unsuccessful VBAC

January 16, 2011 By 4 Comments

At the hospital waiting to meet with our doula.

As I mentioned in the last post, Mike and I just had our third son. My first two were born by C-section-the first was because of failure to progress and the second was an elective repeat. This go around, however, I was determined to VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean).

The whole journey toward my goal ended up being quite an ordeal. We had to switch OBs twice; the first switch was due to billing inflexibility with my original OB in regards to our FSA account, and the second OB scarcely looked up from his chart to verbalize a “it’s not going to happen” when I told him I was serious about going natural after 2 C-sections. Even when I demonstrated my knowledge of the risks of uterine rupture with VBACs and told him I knew what I was getting into, he hardly treated me seriously.

I knew from the get go that for success this time, I should hire a doula. Thanks to her and the Indy Moms website, we found a great doctor who was willing to give me a shot at the VBAC, and fortunately she delivers at one of the most accomadating hospitals in Indiana.

I’ve always been really discouraged at how my first son’s birth turned out. I was overdue and was induced to get things going. After 30 hours of unmedicated labor, I was miserable and exhausted, and hadn’t gotten past 4 cm. 6 hours later, after having been given an epidural, my OB recommended a C-section. Over the last few years I always wondered if maybe we all got into a rush with the inducement, and maybe my body just wasn’t ready to have the baby quite yet. Perhaps we should have left it alone another few days or a week.

With my second birth, I gave in, I feel, way too easily when my OB discouraged me from trying a VBAC. So, I had a second C-section and came out of the whole thing feeling just as discouraged and frustrated that I hadn’t been able to give birth naturally.

With this third birth, I was determined to leave things alone. No inducing, no scheduled C-section unless I was 42 weeks, no nothing. To my surpise, my water broke at 38 1/2 weeks, and off to the hospital we went. My doula met us there and we prepared to labor and meet my goal of a natural, unmedicated birth.

Things didn’t so much go to plan. In fact, the whole birth process mimicked my first birth almost exactly. After laboring for a while, and working with my doula, I wasn’t progressing, so in came the pitocin augmentation. I made it 24 hours without any pain meds, and was beyond discouraged when at the end of that time I was still at 1 cm. OK, I cried. Did I mention that pitocin contractions are of the devil? Most OBs would have insisted by then that I have a C-section, since my water had broken so long before, but my super patient doctor felt no reason to hurry, and after giving me an epidural, let me go another 12 hours.

The handwriting on the wall appeared after those 12 hours…I was only at 3 cm, and that was enough evidence for all of us that this probably wasn’t going to happen. Off to the OR for the third time.

At first glance, it looked like my VBAC failed. But, this time I don’t carry any lingering regret or discouragement. This birth proved to me that I in fact did not screw up my first son’s birth with impatience, and my body just isn’t set up so well for letting go of pregnancies, as verified by my OB. Also, I put in the same amount of effort and went almost as long without meds so I don’t feel like I wussed out in the end.

And, while I didn’t help overall VBAC success stats for women with multiple C-sections, I did show that one can labor a very long time with significant contractions and still not have any problems with uterine rupture. So, a few brownie points there.

I’m glad I found such a great doctor and doula to help me try to VBAC, and I’m so glad I can enjoy this new baby without wondering if I made bad decisions like I worried I made with my first two births.

Filed Under: Parenting Tagged With: ,

New Year, New Baby, New Blog

January 13, 2011 By 2 Comments

My blog got a facelift just in time for the new year. Even better than that, our family grew with the addition of a new baby boy! With all the “new”s that are around me, I’m reminded that Jesus too makes all things new. That is actually a hugely comforting thought for me. Most days I can get so frustrated at myself for not being the person I want to be, for seemingly lacking growth in so many areas of my life, and for often feeling like certain parts of me have grown stagnant and complacent. However, as I look over the last year, and all the years of my life, I can see clearly how Jesus has been working, regenerating and restoring broken places in me, softening off the rough edges, bringing greater self-awareness, and inviting me into closer relationship with Him. With the relaunching of my blog, I want to continue to strive to discover the true, real life and “newness” that Jesus has for each of us, and share how he is changing me, transforming my thinking, and making my life more meaningful and joy-filled. My great hope is that what I write, or perhaps ramble on about, is useful to anyone who has struggled with the things I’ve struggled with, or who are simply fellow sojourners in this world who want to live as closely to Jesus as possible.

My theme Bible passage for the year is Psalm 16, where I am reminded that whatever happens during the next 12 months, or whatever circumstances I find myself in, if I am in Christ I shall not be moved. Jesus alone is my security and whatever I encounter, I will not be shaken.

1 Keep me safe, my God,
for in you I take refuge.

2 I say to the LORD, “You are my Lord;
apart from you I have no good thing.”
3 I say of the holy people who are in the land,
“They are the noble ones in whom is all my delight.”
4 Those who run after other gods will suffer more and more.
I will not pour out libations of blood to such gods
or take up their names on my lips.

5 LORD, you alone are my portion and my cup;
you make my lot secure.
6 The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;
surely I have a delightful inheritance.
7 I will praise the LORD, who counsels me;
even at night my heart instructs me.
8 I keep my eyes always on the LORD.
With him at my right hand, I will not be shaken.

9 Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices;
my body also will rest secure,
10 because you will not abandon me to the realm of the dead,
nor will you let your faithful[b] one see decay.
11 You make known to me the path of life;
you will fill me with joy in your presence,
with eternal pleasures at your right hand.

Our New Addition to the Family

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